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Crem tomorrow

(17 Posts)
amy74 Mon 08-Nov-10 19:39:11

Hi all,
It is the cremation tomorrow of our little babe. I had a mmc at 16 weeks and even though I know we need to go,I feel so scared. Just wondered if anybody else had any advice on how to get through it xx

DeborahDeborah Mon 08-Nov-10 19:54:20

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

TrickyWoooooooooooo Mon 08-Nov-10 20:02:07

We went through the similar at same timing. It did help to move on but was obv very upsetting. Take plenty of tissues. Hold hands very tight. Do whatever you need to do to get through it.
Thinking about you tomorrow.

TrickyWoooooooooooo Mon 08-Nov-10 20:03:02

Oh and of course, I am so sorry for your loss.

grumpypumpkin Mon 08-Nov-10 20:03:02

Oh Amy sad, massive sympathies to you.
No real advice for you Im afraid, I think you will just have to do what you need to do at the time. Hope that you have some good support from partner and/or family.

Hopefully someone who has experience of this will be along soon to help.

Will be thinking of you.

Owlingate Mon 08-Nov-10 20:04:39

Oh Amy I'm so sorry. I've been in your shoes nearly two years ago now. I was in two minds whether to go to the crem or not but I was so glad I did formally say goodbye. It was a very short, very simple service and I got to keep the order of service afterwards. DP carried the coffin in and we put flowers and a little teddy bear on it - we could've taken those home with us if we wanted but we decided to leave them.

There is nothing I can say that will get you through this but take strength from your family or your partner if you can - just hold someone's hand all the way through, it doesn't matter if you cry all the way through. I would say the hardest thing was walking through the door, it got easier afterwards. You're his or her mummy - I know you can stay strong enough to say goodbye to him darling. I will be thinking of you.

amy74 Mon 08-Nov-10 20:12:14

Thank you all so,so much. Wish I could take you all with me.

LunaticFringe Mon 08-Nov-10 20:15:30

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

louisesh Mon 08-Nov-10 20:35:19

Take care AMY .XXX last Monday we attended the cremation of our darling daughter Georgie.She was stillborn at 41 weeks +2 days on 10th October.The service was lovely and Georgie had about 50 people there.We had choosen 2 poems [my brother read one my DH wrote and read one], we choose 2 pieces of music.

We bought 2 roses bounded together in various colours from us,auntie and uncle.uncle and auntie and nan and grandad.My DH carried in Georgie in her coffin and the minster was a lovely guy who.s really down to earth.[he was on call the day Georgie was born and blessed Georgie] We are not religious and liked this guy as he also [funnily enough] wasn t particularly god bearing!!!

The service was nice , a lot of people, quietly, cried their way through.The MWs who delivered Georgie came.I d like to say the service bought me peace but we did what we had to we gave Georgie the send off she deserved and also all of us who love and nurtured Georgie all the time she was with me the chance to say "goodbye".

Hope it goes as well as can be expected.XXX

Owlingate Tue 09-Nov-10 13:15:01

Amy I hope you managed to get through the day okay. Let us know how the service was when you feel ready x

littlewish Tue 09-Nov-10 13:55:23

Hi Amy, so sorry to read about your sad news, hope you are o.k. and that you made it to the service.

I lost my baby MMC at 20 weeks. We were not told the date of our little ones burial, the hospital took care of the arrangements. I now feel so sad that I didn't have the chance to say a proper goodbye.

Dracschick Tue 09-Nov-10 13:59:55

Amy,sad wishing you strength to face tomorrow with courage and faith.

littlewish Tue 09-Nov-10 14:03:06

Sorry Amy I meant make not made

WillYouDoTheDamnedFanjo Tue 09-Nov-10 14:06:53

I am so sorry for your loss, I have been there. You will have been through the service now, so I just wanted to echo what LunaticFringe said - some quiet time outdoors can be very helpful afterwards.

Try and plan in a few gentle things to do over the week to come, as well - a visit from someone you love to watch a nice film together, a short walk somewhere pretty, perhaps a bit of time to do something creative.

amy74 Wed 10-Nov-10 12:31:29

Thank you everyone. It was actually a lovely service.Once i plucked up the courage to get out of the car - I then panicked a little when I saw the white coffin and had to be taken out but after I calmed down I sat with my DH and got through it. I wanted him/her to be proud of us.My DH was amazing.
We couldn't decide what to do afterwards so ended up going to meadowhall shopping centre in Sheffield for abit of retail thereapy -which surprisely helped. it was just lovely to spend the day together.
littlewish -I'm so sorry the hospital didn't give you the option to say a formal goodbye. My husband brought me a necklace and when ever I feel abit wobbly or think quietly about our baby, I hold onto this.
Thank you all for your support as it really helped.

Dracschick Wed 10-Nov-10 19:05:03

smile wishing you all the very best x

grumpypumpkin Wed 10-Nov-10 21:23:31

Best wishes to all of you that have been through this tragedy, hope you all find peace and happiness smile

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