Coming to terms with the menopause

[KathyBeale]

I hate being menopausal - HATE it. I've been having symptoms since I was 38 and now I'm 42 and I've been on HRT since June. HRT has made such a difference to me - boosted my mood, stopped the physical symptoms, made me sleep better etc.

But despite that, I can't get to grips with this. I'm so angry and embarrassed and sad that I've reached this stage in my life. I've told my mum and my husband - no one else so I have to put up with things like my MIL asking if I'm going to have another baby like I wanted, or my older friend who's in her 50s telling me how easy her menopause has been and and if I'm lucky mine will be the same etc. No one is being horrible but I hate it all the same!

It took me a whole year between getting my blood tests to going back to the GP for HRT. She gave me three months worth and I ran out two weeks ago. I eventually made an appointment to go and see her for more but that's not for another week. I am already feeling shit! My head's all over the place and my hot flushes are coming back. And now I'm cross with myself for not going sooner.

This is all a bit waffly but all I really want to know is given that I'm going to have to take sodding HRT for probably another 10 years, how did you all come to terms with this and make peace with it?

[hairypaws]

I was 43 and for me it was such a relief to find out what was happening to me. I didn't need to come to terms with it at all. I was at rock bottom for so long and on antidepressants. I was still having my period as regular as clockwork but I couldn't sleep, had terrible hot flushes, was paranoid beyond belief and very depressed. They only tested my bloods because of the flushes, came back that I was well into the menopause. Started on HRT and have never looked back. My family was complete however and I can understand that still wanting that option would affect you significantly.

[yeOldeTrout]

Can your DH field the MIL's unhelpful questions?

Isn't it great we have modern medicines that can make us comfortable when our bodies aren't cooperating?

It reads like you're upset about getting older. Like what upsets you is the 'old' identity. Is the alternative really so appealing?

I didn't like turning 20... a (very) wise friend was confused. She said we should enjoy every age for what it is. She was right.

[missyB1]

Kathy I hear you! I'm struggling with the same thing. I'm 48 and had my last child at 41 and had been hoping for another, had a miscarriage last year and I'm in the menopause now. Hot flushes, terrible moods, anxiety and insomnia. I hate being this age and feel really quite jealous of younger women, I know that's silly but I can't come to terms with being past childbearing age.
Unfortunately can't take HRT as I've had breast cancer.

[TodaysAGoodDay]

I know how you feel and it is awful isn't it? Your anger sounds just like mine.
I have wanted another baby for about 5 years, but left my ex 8 years ago, so no chance there. I hate all the symptoms, can't take HRT (breast cancer in very close family) and want another baby so desperately. There is a woman at my son's school who had a baby on Tuesday. I said congrats to her husband but I can't even be near her with the horrible intense jealousy I feel. My other friend is trying for a third baby and I am so relieved she has moved because I can't bear being around other women I know who are so lucky they can be pregnant and have more children.
I don't like who I am at the moment very much, and I wish I could turn back the clock 10 years sometimes.
I've been told it gets easier, but the symptoms of menopause (peri) have been going on for 20 months now. I bloody hate hormones at the moment.
End of rant.
I do hope you (and the rest of us suffering) improve soon and we learn to love the new, different 'us'.

[KathyBeale]

I don't want to sound like I'm glad you're all suffering but - I kind of am! It's so nice to hear I'm not alone. It is hard that this happened when I wanted another baby, but I am gradually clearing out the baby things and passing them on, in an effort to get used to the idea.

I do have trouble with getting older - I've always hated my looks and I think I hoped I'd grow into them but instead I look even worse which doesn't help! And I work in a very young industry so I'm constantly reminded that I'm over the hill. I also get a bit ragey at all the stuff you read about menopausal women having time for themselves and it being a new stage of life etc. I have small children and a demanding job and I'm run ragged. I don't think there will be time to think about myself for another 10 years!

The good thing about messing up my HRT and being without it for these few weeks is it has shown how different it makes me feel. I am lucky not to have any breast cancer risk and I appreciate that I can take it while others can't.

Hope those of you who are struggling similarly can find a solution to help. Thanks for your wise words.