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vent - think i'm perimenopausal and lots of fed-upness - dont be too judgy please.

(26 Posts)
feelingfedupandold Tue 18-Nov-14 18:17:25

namechanged as i am going to sound a right idiot. and i dont know whether to go to the doctors, unsure what is and isnt likely to be linked to perimenopause, and embarrased about talking to anyone.

I am 48 in December, and I do drink far too much alcohol as well. I drink every day and typically a bottle of wine plus a couple of cans of cider, or a bottle and a half - sometimes more. (doing this for years - I have stopped a bit for a few days a week sometimes in run up to wanting to lose weight in time for a holiday - but not long term.) I am unsure how much is linked to drinking and how much hormonal. Also the drink issue is a big reason i am being embarrased to go to the doctors.

I have in the past suffered with stress to a big extent and at that time (about 10 = 15 years ago ) i had big issue with night sweats - flooding the bed wet with sweat. I still sweat at night and get very hot (only at night really) but not major major soaking wet just wet like you have been exercising and are coated in sweat.

I am forgetful - but this also been going on for years and years bad memory - it is getting worse - started with stuff like forgetting where car is in supermarket, but now I forget if we have been places (we love going hiking and plan walks and I often cant remember we have been to a place when we get there)

Recent things that make me think i might be starting the perimenopausal stuff -
-periods more irregular with longer ones, then bigger gaps.
- had a wierd fluttering in lower left abdomen and googling says it could be gas or menopause stuff (not pregnant)
- embarrasingly i have been leaking urine a bit - started a tiny bit sometimes in day but the last few days i have woke up in the morning and found a trickle down my leg and wetness around the area. I have been getting up everytime i wake up in the night and going to the toilet to avoid this
I have been avoiding husband touching me in the morning incase i am wet and it is urine...
- waking up loads at night
- being very cross and stressy and narky

This is combined with husband starting a job with various differnent shifts a few months ago - so dont see him sometmes on evenings and weekends, and we always used to see each other every evenign and weekend. we always did stuff together and i am a bit of a try and please him and do what he wants and am lost as to what to do when on my own!!
(sad I know) I end up wasting time on my phone and just drinking...

I am fed up and bored and fed up at work with some stressful stuff (work in sales so always the stress of will i hit target- i am competitive so like sales job, but it in its very nature can be an emotional rollercoaster) the stressful stuff at work is partly the market we sell to being a bit down, and also a colleague who majorly gets to me as they dont pull their weight but are favoured by line manager.

anyway - my vent is here.
If anyone wants to give any input great.
probably other stuff i forgot - but will put info on later if i remember.

i stopped smoking in summer - so yay me, but i avoid going to doctor too because i have had a coil in since youngest now 17 was born and am too scared to have it out and a new one in. - i am an avoider - head in the sand - by nature

ArcheryAnnie Tue 18-Nov-14 18:26:22

First of all, bloody well done for stopping smoking. If you are stressed, that's a big one to do.

I can't help on the perimenopause bit, but I can say that drinking can affect your memory - my mum had alcohol-related dementia by the end, and it was dementia in every real sense. This is a good reason to get yourself help on the drinking front. And don't worry about the doctor - they have seen everything before (and a lot of them have done everything before, too.)

Discliamer: I am not a doctor, nor do I play one on TV. Your memory problems may have nothing to do with the booze, I obviously don't know. The good news is that if the memory problems do have something to do with the booze, it can be treated - so another good reason to consider going to the doctor, even if you hate to do so. (The treatment is mostly staying off the booze and good nutrition, including thiamine.)

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Tue 18-Nov-14 18:30:54

Your symptoms could be mine, I'm your age. I'm pretty sure it's peri menopause. Well done on the smoking but (trying not to nag here, I love my wine) do try to cut down on the drinking, it'll start hitting you harder, weight, hangover, etc.

feelingfedupandold Tue 18-Nov-14 18:36:12

thank you both.
alcohol - i know!
and i think if i can do it for a few days a week - maybe not on mon - thurs - thats a great start - that seems probably achieivable.

mymummy - did you see the doctor? what are your thoughts on the whole menopause shit?
are you worried about being an old bag like i am?
- share your experience?

ouryve Tue 18-Nov-14 18:36:55

You'll already have made a big difference to your health, long term, by stopping smoking, but I think the biggest thing on your current list is addressing your drinking, which is currently a whole week's worth, every night. Alcohol exacerbates a lot of perimenopausal symptoms, such as night sweats, anyhow, but that level of drinking will be doing you long term damage in so many other ways.

It's clearly the biggest thing that's keeping you from seeking advice about the more mundane stuff and the memory loss and I think that that's what you need to have a conversation with your GP about, for that precise reason.

And, as Annie said, your doctor will have seen it all before. It's what they do for a living.

ArgyMargy Tue 18-Nov-14 18:40:59

I'm not sure whether you have a question, or are just looking for general support. You are the right age for menopausal symptoms, and yes it is shit but the march of time goes on. If you want to cut down the drinking then fine, and it will probably help with the hot flushes which are generally thought to be made worse by alcohol. Good luck OP!

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Tue 18-Nov-14 18:42:50

Still going through doctors, not a lot to tell. Having uterine ablation hopefully soon due to horrendous periods. Mirena didn't help me.

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Tue 18-Nov-14 18:43:53

I agree the night sweats are worse after a drink, and the memory thing rights itself eventually, according to my sisters.

feelingfedupandold Tue 18-Nov-14 19:01:52

i suppose i am looking for general support and someone to tell me what to do?
ie push me to go to doctor or say - yeah, try and cut down booze yourself and you dont need to go doctor

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Tue 18-Nov-14 19:09:45

Basically they're two different issues, but neither will help the other. Do both. Maybe don't be rigid about which days, if that would make you want drink more, just drink on less days, then less. Good luck.

feelingfedupandold Tue 18-Nov-14 19:49:27

So is it worth going doc on more menopausal stuff? Or just suck it up?

feelingfedupandold Tue 18-Nov-14 20:58:26

Any takers?

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Tue 18-Nov-14 21:01:10

Hi, just having a wine blush
Yes, definitely go. I'm holding off on the other stuff until the ablation, then dealing with the rest.

feelingfedupandold Tue 18-Nov-14 21:06:59

Whats an ablation? Sounds horrible?

mymummademelistentoshitmusic Tue 18-Nov-14 21:39:20

The lining of the womb removed. Google it, it's not as bad as it sounds, and a blessing after horrendous periods.

PrimalLass Tue 18-Nov-14 21:50:21

Doing 5:2, well 4:3 really, has curbed my drinking. Obviously I can't drink on fast days. And it helps with memory too.

ArgyMargy Tue 18-Nov-14 21:59:36

I haven't bothered the quack, as I don't want HRT. But it's up to you, OP. There are alternatives - just google it.

feelingfedupandold Tue 18-Nov-14 21:59:37

So concentrating on dieting has helped
Sounds like it would work for me

elastamum Tue 18-Nov-14 22:41:23

I have been through the same thing at about your age. Drinking too much (exh had left us), stressful job, and menopause. Felt AWFUL at night, used to wake sweating, feeling like my heart was being scooped out of my chest, joint pains, woke up in the morning feeling like I had been dug up.

So this is what I learnt. Firstly, stop drinking. Sorry to be the bringer of bad news but Alcohol makes menopausal symptoms much, much worse. If you cant stop completely, stop Mon-Thur and really cut down the rest. Once you start to feel the difference you might find it easier to give it up. It isn't easy, it took me 6 months to make not drinking my default setting but it is worth it. Then exercise, you need to feel physically tired in the evening to sleep well, not just stressed. Finally, don't disregard medication if you need it. I am also on HRT and quite honestly it has turned my life around. I have put on 1/2 stone but I feel so much better on it.

Have also improved my diet a bit, and don't eat late at night. that helps me sleep better too.

ishouldcocoa Tue 18-Nov-14 22:48:58

I would tackle the drinking first, and then see how you feel and go to the GP after that. Then at least you'll know what's menopausal and what's alcoholic related.
YY to others that say drinking makes sweats etc. worse.

feelingfedupandold Tue 18-Nov-14 22:51:02

Thanks
Food - don't really care about it! Maybe without drink I will

feelingfedupandold Tue 18-Nov-14 22:52:30

Will try not to drink tomorrow and next day and post back if that's ok

SpringHeeledJack Tue 18-Nov-14 23:02:56

I have nearly all your symptoms (48- perimenopausal)

the forgetting combined with the awful shirtiness/short fuse is horrible

end up shouting where's the..you know...you fucking know, you do...the THINGY WHERE'S THE THINGY FUCKSAKE about 40 times a day

I'm awful sad

and yes, do stop drinking mon-thurs. It does seem impossible when you start, but you could well find (like I did) that most of it is really down to habit rather than any physical dependency. We've kept it up for 11 years and we were shocking guzzlers

if you manage it for a couple of months you can go and talk to the GP about menopause without lying on the Bad Habits questionnaire

good luck

SpringHeeledJack Tue 18-Nov-14 23:23:59

Oh and you might want to have a look at ? Brave Babes threads...can't link as on phone but will have a look tomorrow

pinkfrocks Wed 19-Nov-14 11:49:25

No one is judging you and well done for asking for help.

Please think seriously about going to Al Anon. You need support to help you stop drinking. The safe number of units for a woman is 14 a week.

A bottle of wine has at least 9 units ( 12 if it's stronger wine) and cider can have 1 or 2 units per half pint depending on strength. So in one day you might be having 12 units- multiply this by 7 days and that's 84 in a week.

You are not just drinking slightly too much- but your drinking is way off the scale for a safe level.

This is a level at which you are seriously damaging your liver ( and night sweats can be a sign of liver damage) , hugely increasing your risk of breast cancer, and other cancers.

I think you have to face up to the fact you have an alcohol dependency issue and ask for professional help.

Your loss of memory is classic for anyone with long term excessive drinking issues. Wetting the bed is possibly for the same reasons - you are in a deep, alcohol induced sleep and not waking up in time for the loo.

If you are drinking to relieve stress, then maybe think seriously about whether you are in the right job and think about if you can make changes there .

I don't want this to sound unkind or judgy but you need to wake up to the extent of your drinking and the damage it's doing to your health.

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