Never had a problem with my age and had been looking forward to not having periods anymore. I'd spent my 30's with DP who didn't want DCs and it wasn't a problem. Then we split up and I met my DH, thinking I was too old to conceive we didn't bother with contraception and had the huge shock of getting pg at 44. Sailed through the pg and DD has brought us so much joy that we hoped that it would be possible to have another DC.
Sadly it wasn't happening so we saw a fertility consultant who told us the only way to have another would be to hand over large sums of money and get an egg donor. Knowing that despite the consultant's easy assurances donor were in short supply, I couldn't live with the prospect of potentially denying another couple the chance of a first child so that I could complete my family.
Now at 47 it was confirmed to me this morning by the GP that I'm perimenopausal and it makes me so sad. Blubbed in the surgery and everytime I think about it (symptomatic I know but I hate feeling that I'm falling apart). Although I thought I had accepted that I was infertile, this news signalling game over has really hammered the message home and it's so painful.
Plus my DD is in her first nativity and obsessed with babies and wanting one (many of her friends are currently getting siblings too). I feel that I'm letting her down by not being able to provide her with a sibling. Much as I fought with my own DS as a child it is now that I really appreciate the relationship, especially as you see contemporaries who are only children struggling with looking after elderly parents.
My lovely DH is very sympathetic and keeps trying to lift my spirits but I can't seem to escape from this overwhelming sadness.
Thanks for reading if you stayed with it so far, it is helpful to write it down rather than burdening RL friends with it.
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Menopause
So sad - just need to get it off my chest
25 replies
spiralqueen · 30/11/2010 23:26
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