Ex has new Girlfriend

[gingesuze]

Hi All,

Just wanting to see how others coped in this situation.
My ex is a very hostile and angry person, although charm itself when he wants to be.
We has a 2 year old and a 2 month old.
We slit up when I fell pregnant second time as he did not want to be a father again.
Having a family has caused many problems for us both before and after first child as he did not want children - he is 13 years older than me.
As much as I am relieved not to be in a relationship I feel that he has whallopped me in the stomach as he has told me he is seeing someone now who has 3 young children.
I feel he has made a mockery of our entire relationship when I put up with so much to try and make our family work.

He really will not care how much he has hurt me so reasonable talking is out of the question.

What have others done regarding children, do I demand to meet this new woman as I am not happy about my daughter spending time with someone I have never even met?

[GypsyMoth]

well no,you cant demand that! not our business and will you be introducing him to new babysitters,friends,boyfriends etc etc as well?

[Niceguy2]

Whilst emotionally I can understand how you feel, in practice on what grounds would you demand meeting his new woman?

Would you think it was reasonable for your ex to demand to vet any new BF? And what if he didn't "approve"? Would you then have to stop seeing them? Surely that would make sense since you spend more time with your kids than he does?

The way it works is that when the kids are with him, the kids are in his care. He can pretty much do what he wants during that time. As can you when they are with you.

[gingesuze]

Mmmmm. True
Nightmare situation.
I suppose it just takes time to accept these things.
The fact she has 3 children makes me feel better.
My daughter returns home having had a lovely time but glad to be with me - thats the main thing I suppose.

[poshsinglemum]

I don't blame youfor feeling this way, but please;

Pity her and her poor dc as they now have to put up with his vile behaviour.
I would try and warn her but she probably won't want to listen. She'll just have to find out in her own sweet time.
Do you really want a hostile and angry man in your life? Also-he needs to make your family work to-it's not just your responsibility.

[elastamum]

Are you really over your relatonship or do yuo have unresolved issues with you ex?

I think unless you have grounds for concern you have to go with the flow on this one. Yes she has 3 kids, but presumably this means she is used to looking after children.

My ex also has a GF with 3 kids. My boys are slightly bemused by them as they are younger and slightly irritating to them, but I encourage them all to get along and them to be nice to the little ones. I have no interest in his GF, who I happen to know of old, so I leave them all to get on with it together. I would only ever get involved if my kids were unhappy with visiting

[pinky23]

Hi my ex has a new GF I know nothing about her or how long they have been together for and have been considering asking a few background questions.

I know she has recently stayed over at his house when my son is there and I would expect him to do the same if I had a new man staying in my house.

I am really over my ex so its all about safety and making sure she's not got a police record-unlikely I know but how do people feel about requesting a police check? Im undecided as yet.

Personally Im more concerned about the comments my toddler has been repeating such as "its none of your business mummy"- clearly conversations he has overheard or is being pumped full of negative rubbish.

He then "tests" these comments out on me randomly to see what reaction he gets so I know what is being said.

I worry his innocence is being corrupted by this angry man and what the long term effects could be on him emotionally, I am never negative about his dad but he is clearly confused and at 3 it seems so unfair- emotionally abusive really- Any advice please.

[ChoreDodger]

If he couldn't be a father to his own children then this new relationship is going to be severely tested !!

I'd just be grateful that his anger will now be directed at somebody else. I can always tell when my x is seeing somebody because he is suddenly 'neutral' to me. When he's alone and all bitter and chewing things over (still very angry that I left HIM) he is awkward, confrontational, unreasonable, nasty, ridiculous....

Give the relationship your blessing, you're well shot of him. At least the woman is a mother. No matter how much I hated a woman, I'd always be kind to her small children. I think that is a fairly universal sentiment for the mother of small children?? or am i naive?

[notsohotchic]

have often wondered about warning his gf. (She isn't remotely interested in our children, mind, and left the house when they stayed with him) but then I think sometimes you can't help EVERYONE! and my ex is like others - a bastard to me and a charmer when it suits. Would try and make me out to be insane. And he would take it as confirmation that I still care about him. I did infact warn his last gf and that was very unpleasant though she did I think get a shake up from it and their relationship didn't last long. (my ex had boasted to me about having a few on the go, sad person) The present gf is quite strange and I'm just glad she's not interested in the children. It's hard but sometimes you have to be glad that someone else has the problem man now and as long as your children ok then be grateful? And maybe try and amicably meet this new woman when you feel up to it? (love putting on that kind, chilled out ex front)