Ok, Just a quick question

[thesunshinesbrightly]

First sign's of a controlling partner? i have been with one, so kinda worried i have cursed myslef so to speak, didnt notice till it was too late.

The man i was dating before had a sign after a few months and i finished it, but wanna know do we know what too look out for when chatting on the phone??

or am i just being over cautious??

[ninah]

I think you may be over cautious, naturally enough in the circs
just take your time getting to know him, and keep a little bit detached so you are aware of any problems - controlling tendencies or whatver, anything you feel will be a problem in life
I know where you are coming from as my ex has these tendencies but you have to keep an open mind (mind being the appropriate word here rather than heart)

[HanBanan]

Go with your instincts. If something he says / does doesn't feel right, then you are probably best being weary.

I remember the first sign of manipulation I had of my ex was a simple little conversation that went awry...i.e. when I said I was too tired to decide what to have for tea and he 'put me in my place' by telling me I should never speak to him like that. At the time I thought he must have got the wrong end of the stick, but actually it was a very early sign of what was to come.

Anything that seems a little odd and doesn't really make sense, anything that oversteps the mark so to speak. If it doesn't feel right it isn't right.

[thesunshinesbrightly]

Thank you both

[IvanaPavlov]

My ex was very controlling - been trying to think of the early signs:

• subtly putting down the way I looked(e.g. "You are very pretty...to me", "You're very plain aren't you? I mean it as a compliment")
• made jokes at my expense
• rolled his eyes and tutted if I dropped something(eventually convinced me I was a clumsy, air-headed bimbo)
• put down my family and resented me seeing them
• accused me of affairs I never had
• checking my mobile phone (this escalated to my bank statements, etc.)

Just watch out for ANY bullying, even if it looks like harmless teasing at first.
It always starts off small and before you know it you're stuck with a controlling, abusive husband.

I was left with no confidence - slowly building it back up. Might be best to steer clear of new relationships for a while until you feel strong enough.

Good Luck - I sympathise