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25 weeks pregnant and alone

(7 Posts)
emma1988 Mon 02-Nov-09 22:24:49

hi i am 25 wk pregnant and alone.
i kicked my husband out last week after finding him to be having an affair with another woman, i now find out they are already planning on getting a house together!
can i legaly stop my husband seeing my child alone once it is born whilst the other woman is around as she used to be a druggie and has tld me she wants baby dead! you here so much about things happening on the news these days i would never settle.
i have said he can see it when convinient with me but not with his new partner present.
he has said he is taking a month off work when baby born to be with it!
also he has agreed to pay me maintenance once baby is here,but will not provide any financial help or buy any items before it is born. can i do anything about this?

hope all this makes sense, i know what i want in my head but unsure if i can physically carry it out.

lindsaygii Mon 02-Nov-09 22:57:30

Okay, my partner left when I was pregnant, so I have gone through some of this and it's hard, so I really, really feel for you.

Some of what you are asking depends on whether you are still married when the baby is born, and whether your husband's name is on the birth certificate. You need to check whether the simple fact of you still being married gives him 'rights' or not. I think it might, so find out.

I do know that actually the phrase 'parental rights' is wrong - only the child has rights. In law the parents have 'responsibilities', adn these are basically to give the child a good life. Only the parent named on the birth certificate counts in law.

When the baby is born the CSA can legally force him to pay towards the child, including stopping his wages at source and freezing his assets if necessary. However, they won't do anything before hand, so no, you can't do anything about that.

If you are not working there are various benefits, including a one-off payment for £190 and another one-off for £500 that you can get paid to you.

Speak to your local Citizens' Advice Bureau. I think you are going to need someone on side as soon as possible.

And your GP, too. Just in case it all gets too much and you need support.

Very best and many hugs to you. x

kcartyparty Mon 02-Nov-09 22:57:37

Hi Emma1988,

It's a shame to have to loose your Dh during preg.

Firstly your Ex Dh does not have to contribute towards baby until he/she is actually born.

Then you should go straight to CSA, unless on benefits then the dwp will do it.

Access is a complicated issue. He has every legal right to see his baby...unsupervised.
Unless you can prove that the baby is not safe to be left with him.

Your best bet is when baby is born and Ex DH starts looking for access, is to speak to a solicitor. They will probably arrange mediation meetings to sort it all out. This avoids court hearings.

But you can not refuse access on the basis that you don't like his new girlfriend!

Best of luck - and keep your chin up luv

valleyqueen Mon 02-Nov-09 23:00:03

Aww,this is very simlar to my situation 9 years ago. My dd's father left when I was pregnant,he came and went from her life for 4 years then disapeared. It might be worth you getting some legal advice in regards to the access stuff as this my put your mind at rest. If you can afford it have an hours consultation with a solicitor otherwise go to your local CAB. Hopefully someone on here will know the law a bit better.

Sadly you can only claim maintenance once the baby is born,which is pretty crap considering how much all the stuff costs.

Dominique07 Mon 02-Nov-09 23:01:45

If you're breastfeeding maybe he'll have to visit you at least for a couple of months. And then you can just leave him there for a couple of hours while you go for a walk for some fresh air.

lindsaygii Mon 02-Nov-09 23:05:38

If the new gf has made threats then I don't believe he does have every legal right as a matter of course. As I said above, I think this depends on whether they are still married, and whether he is named on the birth certificate.

I would follow up the suggestion for a consultation with family law if you can. Or CAB.

kcartyparty Mon 02-Nov-09 23:36:33

If there are concerns re: the new g/friend the courts/mediation officer may suggest that access be done through a supervised contact centre.

If father says no ... it becomes a horrible battle at court.

I have been through this twice!

I was not married to either of my Dc's father's and seperated from both of them very early on.

My Ds's father's were both violent men, they still got access to their children

I am happily single now and have been for many years. Both the father's are long gone and have nothing to do with their kids

My heart goes out to you luv. It's going to be an emotional rollercoaster

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