I am so frustrated and annoyed, well angry really.
XP and I have a DD. We split over 6 months ago.
XP was abusive and controlling. He could be a nice guy, until he felt he had been 'done a wrong', then he would use just about every tool he felt he had at his disposal to piss me off or annoy me.
Anyhow, since we split, he has never picked up DD and taken her for the day and looked after her on his own, with no help. 99% of the time, he has sat in my house on his contact days, and behaved almost as if he is back in a relationship with me. (He has said this is what he is hoping will happen, that we get back together and play happy families again.)
He has not had the transport to take her either, or the equipment, ie: car seat, etc etc, although he has a car now.
He also lives with relatives, so claims he has nowhere to take her.
Most of the time, while he has been here, it has been ok, apart from I have found myself doing 50% of the care while he is here, and 100% when he is not. I didn't think that was fair. I have tried talking to him about it, but he wont budge, since he believes that 50% while he is here and 100% when he is not is totally fair in his opinion.
On the odd occasion that he has taken DD for the day, he has always taken her to his mothers or other relatives, so he has never had to look after her himself.
Whenever he is looking after DD, usually while I am there, he doesn't watch her properly, and she has fallen out of my back door straight onto my concrete patio while DD was stood right next to him.
He tipped DD out of a bouncy chair straight onto her face because he 'forgot' to strap her in.
He cannot use the cooker for lunch or make a cup of tea whilst looking after DD. He seems to need the support of other people whilst looking after DD, instead of learning coping strategies.
He has also just left her in the middle of a room surrounded by hazards and walked out of my house without telling me he was going, when I have been in another room.
He has even left her asleep alone while he has gone to the corner shop more than once. (These are just a few examples.)
IMO he doesn't take his responsibilities seriously, and on that basis, I have been happy to let him spend the day with her in my house while I am watching.
He has provided very little for her since she was born, but now he has transport (which he drives like a madman) and a job which pays him a decent wage although I am not actually sure he is working full time anymore.
He has been paying me 10% of his basic wage for a few weeks now, which is ok, but a couple of weeks ago, he borrowed £500 from me.
He promised to pay it back to me over the course of 2 weeks.
The first week, he repaid £200.
The following week, he arrived the evening before his usual contact day with a £100 credit for online bingo. We played the credit and won some money, which he said we could split between us. There was no mention that these winnings were in place of the money he owes me.
I did not ask him to buy credits for bingo in the first place either.
He cashed the winnings into his account.
Then he gave me my usual weekly money (I have to wait to be offered the money apparently ). He told me he would not be coming to see DD the next day, because he felt ill and was going to spend the day in bed. Nice for some
I was so angry that he was not giving me the £300 he owed me. I asked him why he was not giving me the £300 he agreed to give me, and he explained that I would get it when it had cleared in his bank, not now. I said I need it right now, I have to shop and pay bills. He refused. I admit I got so angry, I screwed the money he had given me into a ball and threw it at him in the garden, and told him to piss off home because obviously he needed the money more than I did and DD and I didn't need his crappy offerings.
He picked the money up and put it in his wallet, then he left.
When I had calmed down after a couple of days, I called him, and explained I needed the money he owed me, he said I was not getting any of it, because I threw (weekly) money at him so I obviously didn't need it, and it was alot of money to him, but clearly not that much to me.
He then hung up. He kept hanging up every time I tried to speak to him.
He also promised to buy DD a warm grobag because she has almost outgrown the one she has. He now says he will not be buying this either because I told him to piss off out of my house.
He usually sees DD on Saturday. He says he has been at work today, so he has phoned to say he will be picking DD up tomorrow morning and bringing less than the usual weekly money because I am asking him to take DD for the day. As soon as he had said what his plans were for tomorrow, he hung up. I have tried to call him back, but he just refuses to answer, or hangs up straight away.
I don't really need his money if I want to be stubborn, I can make do. I am tempted to tell him to shove his money where the sun don't shine until he pays me what he owes me, but he will happily go along with that.
I don't trust him one iota with DD tbh, and I am so tempted to take my friends advice which is:
Open the front door on the chain. Hold your hand out. Ask for the money he owes you. If he doesn't have it tell him to fuck off and close the door. I do need a break, but not at the expense of DD and I being walked all over.
My other really big pet peeve is that, like alot of abusive men, he has convinced his crappy family that I am the problem, that I am mad, and that I am a bitch to the extreme, and they believe him and are all putting their heads together to support him and 'get back' at me.
His parents never phone me to arrange to see DD, they don't bother at all. None of his family bother. DD is their first niece/grandchild/great grandchild yet they display pictures of some random family friends baby, and there's not a single picture of DD on display. I had noticed this months and months ago. I even bought them a big canvass for Christmas last year with a picture of DD's face on it wearing a Christmas hat, and I honestly wish I had kept it for myself. It was gorgeous. Not too in your face, but beautiful. It came out far far better than I had anticipated.
GP's said they were going to put it up pride of place in dining room which is hardly used which I was happy about. Glad they liked it tbh, but within weeks, it has disappeared from view and no one knows where it is, yet there's pictures all over of this other unrelated baby, who they coo and ooh and ahh over.
Why can't his family see for themselves that XP is not a nice person, because by supporting him in his pathetic campaign against me, they are not helping him get what he wants, if he really wants to come back. Not that there's a chance of that ever happening, but still, why can't they see that it is not every one of his X g/f's. It is in fact HIM.
Rant over.
Well done if you got this far.
Anyone with any idea's of how to stand up to the twat him and his crap famliy?
WWYD?
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Can anyone tell me where to go from here? Long rant. So sorry!!
15 replies
needarant · 10/10/2009 21:30
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