becoming a single parent

[crystalsangel]

my partner left 2 weeks ago saying he needed to sort his head out he's still not back when i ask if he wants to come home he says dont know but when i say were over he says he dont want that he does not want to talk to me or see me and when we do talk i dont think he wants to come back we have a 15 month old dd and she keeps calling for him and it brakes my heart please help need advice?

[emmawil37]

Oh crystalangel I kknow how you feel my h left coming up for four weeks now, I'm not sure if I want him bk, but that's another story I have bored so many people about. i can't offer any advice, but I just want to wish you all the best. x

[DLI]

i am sorry to hear your situation but i wish you the best of luck. i think you need to think about whether you want him back or not, in the meantime you need to talk about him having contact with you dd, even if it is just for an hour where he takes her out in her pushchair to the park every day or every other day - whatever you can both agree on. you both do need to sit down and talk to each other otherwise you won't know how to move on! he is going to have to decide what he wants and what the problem is and tell you, so you can decide what you want. if he isn't willing to talk to you on your own then suggest you go to relate or something along those lines. You do both really need to decide contact for dd even if you can decide on anything else at the moment and he needs to understand that. whatever happens good luck x

[crystalsangel]

talked to him last night and he said that he wishes he could go back in time and not have dd it hurt so bad he says he loves me but i dont fell it anymore im realy shy and dont got any friends and he says its to hard on him being the only person i can fall back on

[Longtalljosie]

Well, there's one rubbish point he makes there and one actual point. If your DD is 15 months old there are lots of mother / toddler groups where you can get out and meet new people, and perhaps allow both of yourselves some "me" time.

[crystalsangel]

he left hes not going to come back i keep trying to picture myself being with someone else but all i keep getting are pics of me and him im so scared of being alone

[OrangeFish]

It is too early to put picks of other people in your mind. Take it easy, one day at a time. It is difficult but not impossible. You can do it, really, you can

[crystalsangel]

thanks but i kinda fell like im not doing right by my dd i cant sleep i can hardly eat and i keep crying every time i see things than make me think of him

[OrangeFish]

Crystal, you are a mum now and no matter how much it hurts you can't allow yourself to go down, particularly if you are the only person your child depends on.

I know what you are going through because I have been there myself. I know that you don't feel like eating but you have to do it to keep you strong enough to go through this, even if they are light things make an effort to avoid missing meals.

Do you have family or friends near by? I'm sure there will be someone you can talk to. I always thought I didn't have many friends around and when this happened I realised that many people I thought of as aquaintances were, in fact, true good friends, who were prepared to distract me, here me rant or hug me when I cried.

Try to get as much help as you can, go to your GP, some surgeries offer a counselling service for people who is going through a bad patch.

In the mean time, a big hug.

[Kazzi79]

Awwww I feel for you I've been a single mum for 5 years now, it does get easier and it can be a shock to the system at first. The first thing is accepting that he's not going to come back, its hurtful but you will get there eventually. Do you have any old friends you can reconnect with? If not its important to build up a social life for yourself so you dont feel isolated, maybe a part time college course or something like that (you can usually get help with childcare).

Its not wrong to feel angry, hurt or upset, and if you feel like shutting yourself away for 5 or 10 mins and having a good cry then go for it, theres nothing worse than bottling things up.

I wish you all the best xxxxxxx

[Fee32]

So sorry to hear about your sitution. My partner left me and our 2 children (Josh 3 and Fin 8mths) about 2 months ago now. I was devestated and I still am, but I've moved from Bristol to Tunbridge Wells to live near my parents and to have a completely fresh start and it is helping me deal with it. I still really wish we were together and still cannot believe he has left, but I'm just trying to make the best life I can now for me and my 2 boys.
Once you are sure he is not coming bck, you really just have to try and focus on yourself and your children and try to think about your new life as opposed to what you havent got anymore. It is really hard and sad and lonely sometimes but I'm hoping that it will gradually get easier. Hang in there!