okay... internet dating... how should i broach 'what is this?'

[verynewtothis]

Is it the done thing? I mean if you meet someone in a bar and agree to meet again you don't say 'hold on a sec, is this just sex or are you looking for more more more?'

It's not internet dating as such, got chatting on facebook. Have talked solidly for three or four days, and have really clicked. He's a parent which normally would put me off but ticks all the other boxes. He lives far away (worked it out to be around three hours by train as he has no car atm) but is happy to travel (as am I if I thought it could lead somewhere...)

The thing is I want to meet the right person. Normally I'd say I'd consider a little bit of fun, but the last 'little bit of fun' I had had a girlfriend, I found out later, and while it was only fun I want honesty too...(and no homewrecking either).
And because of the distance I just don't know if it's worth it...

But I don't know if it could really work as more... obviously there's ties in our areas which are so far apart... or would we just make it work???

Argh I feel like a child! Advice please!

Oh I namechanged but it probably won't be too hard to recognise me!

[verynewtothis]

I should probably add I'm not afraid as such to say I'd prefer this to be leading somewhere, I just don't want to scare them off by coming on too strong... or will they not be scared off if they are after something similar?

[Lovesdogsandcats]

Oh, well if he is willing to travel 3 hours by train, he doesn't sound like a chancer with a gf.
I would bring it up first time you meet. I used to think in terms of this kind of question :

" I know its early days but I like to get this awkwardness out of the way early on, sooo, are you looking for a monogamous relationship, or do you want to be free to see others"

HOWEVER I have now changed and see it more like this :
" I know its early days but i like to get this awkwardness out of the way early on, soooo just to tell you that I am not looking for the kind of relationship where both partners are free to see others. I don't sleep around and would expect anyone I am seeing not to either".

Too many mates have ended up being shit on by blokes and always they never addressed this in the early stages, for fear of him running away, well, I can tell you if any bloke I brought it up with ran away, good riddance to him!

[SparklePrincess]

IMO I think most blokes & women (me included) would run a mile if someone brought up such heavy stuff on the first date.

[TequilaMockinBird]

I agree with SparklePrincess!

[grouchomarx]

agree with Sparkle.

I think you have to go with your instincts a bit. Get to know him. See if you like him. Talk to him. Avoid all sex stuff to begin with (unless you've got the raging hots for him on first meet and can't help yourself....). If he's willing to make the effort to come and see you (and vice versa) without the promise of sex and you both enjoy each other's company then you may feel you can begin to broach the subject of future plans.