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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Im ashamed of myself.

11 replies

Tidgypuds · 16/08/2008 23:25

I feel so ashamed at myself tonight, I lost my temper with DC's.
Im not making excuses for my behavior but its been a hard week.
Firstly I have been trying to decorate and put together ikea furniture for DD's bedroom it has been going well so far, it is a little fustrating though having to stop and start with them being off school, but I work for myself and this really is the only week I have free for a while as once they are back at school I will be busy.

Im just feeling so stressed, doing all the decorating myself, looking after kids and plenty of days out/activities, boiler has gone funny when washing machine is on the heating comes on, my dads really off on one at the moment and my mum is off loading on to me. So after trying to watch the kids and assemble ikea stuff, make tea, tidy up the mess they had made whilst I was doing said ikea stuff, I took them up stairs for a shower.

Ds got in shower first after asking him several times and I was sorting out DDs toys ready to put back in her room (they are all over my bedroom floor,I cant sleep with them like this) DD whining (think she is coming down with something) Then DS shouts MUM! I have pulled down the shower curtain so go into bathroom to find indeed it had come down and water was everywhere meanwhile DD was trying to close her curtains and (God knows how) managed to pull and snap one of the fittings I had just put up.
I remained calm had a chat about being gentle with things.
DD's turn for shower, fixed shower curtain, DD crying not wanting a shower, tired etc for 5 mins, she got in, I went to fix other curtains and continue putting toys back and she starts screaming and crying even louder about not wanting a shower, I know she was tired and I shouldnt have but I lost it and threw all items off my bed on to floor (which frightened DS (7) ) stormed into bathroom and shouted really loudly at her for shouting and screaming Im so sick of doing it all myself, I just dont have enough time for everything and end up feeling guilty all the time for not doing this/that.
I feel like the shittest mummy ever. They really are great kids too.

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FromGirders · 16/08/2008 23:31

Everyone loses it occasionally. I can really sympathise as I've spent the last five months redecorating while looking after the kids - but at least I have dh for support.
You shouted and had a tantrum - you didn't hit anyone no-one got hurt.
Would the kids help you with ikea assembling? they might be surprisingly useful? My wee ones have been less effort while actually helping than off doing their own thing - which as you say, you have to clear up after.

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Tidgypuds · 16/08/2008 23:34

Yes a tantrum, that exactly what I had. I tried to get them busy with the hammer and screw driver but they got bored after about 5 mins, so I got the paints out...well lets just say it wasnt a pleasant sight that greated me when I came down, but there where lots of lovely pictures.

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ladymariner · 16/08/2008 23:35

Don't really know what to say but didn't want you to be on your own. Sure others will come along much more helpful than me but just wanted to say that my god woman, you are no way a "shitty mummy", you are just a mummy who has worked her arse off all day for her dcs. and has lost her temper! Thats it. You haven't hit them, you shouted at them and whilst thats not nice it won't kill them. You have done a fab job for them, and thats what they'll remember, not the occasional bollocking.

Stop being so hard on yourself. We've all shouted at our kids from time to time and we all feel bad about it, but thats life. Think of all the good you do with them/for them, thats whats important.
xxx

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retiredgoth · 16/08/2008 23:47

....you sound much nicer and more controlled than me!

Do not think yourself a bad mummy.. you are surely not. Just normal, trying to do a host of things at once.

.....your post sounded so like life here at Goth Towers!

(and yes. Though I am, I think, a mild mannered chap, I did lose my rag earlier today when a thrown shoe broke the fish tank housing the land snails...)

Mundane? Maybe. Stressful on your own? For sure.

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Tidgypuds · 16/08/2008 23:49

thanks for that ladymariner. I just hope they do remember the best bits. I apologised after to both of them and said I shouldnt of shouted etc and DS said "its ok mummy, dont worry about it" bless him. DD gave me a hug. I felt that bad she had an extra 3 stories tonight.

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ladymariner · 16/08/2008 23:53

and do you think she'll remember the telling-off or the extra 3 stories? I bet I know

Now go to bed, and relax. You've had a row with your kids, you've apologised which was fantastic, your dcs aren't bothered now, so it's over!!

(my ds said that to me when I'd done something similar, it made me want to cry!)

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Tidgypuds · 16/08/2008 23:56

Sorry RG actually giggled when I read about the shoe incident. Yes stressful for sure.

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ShyBaby · 17/08/2008 00:04

Tidgypuds, you'd have to be a saint never to lose your temper. Its even worse I find when the thing you're trying to do is for the kids. You know, like putting my son's much loved cabin bed together and he's downstairs rowing with his sister and being spiteful, or decorating one of their rooms while they're trashing another room (and by that I just mean getting lots of things out, or spilling drinks etc, they are not really naughty). I've lost it on occasion when im tired and fed up. Im not proud of it, but its so hard at times when you need five pairs of hands and frustrating when you cant get anything done.

Dont beat yourself up

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ShyBaby · 17/08/2008 00:12

If it makes you feel any better, im always complaining about how difficult things are. I hardly ever get a break from my kids.

This week they have stayed at my aunt's and I find im still on autopilot.

Last night one of my cats brought a small (dead) bird in and dumped it in my kitchen. I found myself saying "excuse me, one of you is going to pick that up, im not doing it for you".

Obviously they just stared at me.

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macdoodle · 17/08/2008 07:02

Been there done it and feel terrible - and I have great kids too ...don't worry we have all done it - its hard slog being a single mummy

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Tidgypuds · 17/08/2008 11:39

Thanks everyone.
Shybaby your absolutley right, its worse when you are doing something for them and they are making the job harder for you. You think just behave and help me out here, but of course at 7 and 4 I dont really expect them to understand fully.

Have you had a good weeks break from the kids? Its good you have managed to get a break.

I feel much better this morning, we have made pancakes for breakfast and now their dad has picked them up so Im going to get as much as I can done in this time off. yippeeee if I can get off MN that is.

The Autopilot thing, my brother came round recently and I offered him a bag of crisps...he looked at me very strangely when I opened them for him and passed them with out even thinking...he is 27.