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help me here i need advice..

(8 Posts)
cheeryface Sun 10-Aug-08 18:52:39

lived with dp for 15 years. He works, i just clean here and there for pocket money so to speak. and do everything household except manage money.

the house and everything is in his name.

in short, we are incompatable and although we manage to get along some of the time the bad patches are getting longer and longer.

i feel like we are just two parents or aquaintances living together. he always wants sex and i cant because i dont feel close to him.

were both really unhappy. i have had ds2 begging me not to fall out with dp in case we split up etc etc (heartrending)

if i were to leave, i'd have nothing, no money, no house, no car and i am already suffering with anxiety and hate being alone.

what would you do ??

help me please.

moosh Sun 10-Aug-08 19:02:22

Hi cf, I felt the same as you. Exactly the same we went for counselling. Have you tried that yet?
For me, the counselling made ,me realise that I didn't love dp anymore, but thats not to say it may not work for the both of you.
I left, I had no house, no money but did have a car. The kids were really upset and heart broken and I still see signs of anger directed towards me now. But I was just bought up by my mum and I suffered for a while as a child, but it didn't last for long and hope it doesn't for my boys. They see their dad on a regular basis and seem to be settling into a routine now.
I had no where to live when we left I stayed at my sisters house with the kids for nearly 4 months till a flat was found for me. I am not out of the woods yet by a long shot and it is tough bringing up dcs by yourself, but I am happier.
Difference with me is I quite like my own company (sad old cow that I am).
If you haven't tried Relate or somewhere, try that first you may be able to save your relationship and both of you may be happy again.

cheeryface Sun 10-Aug-08 19:21:55

thanx. i dont think couselling would work.we have talked and talked and its always a stalemate.
over the years he has said some awful things to me and some of the times ended up apologising but he then always repeats it and i think i have just grown to dislike him really.

for example, he has fallen out with me and many times pointed out how its his house, his money, i should be grateful etc etc and i think its all just built up resentment.

sometimes when are getting on o.k i think its all o.k but then when he wants more (i.e sex) i realise it isnt o.k

sometimes i have done it just to keep the peace, so the kids wont have to endure an atmosphere. but i cant even seem to do that at the moment.

i have started to go out on a weekend with my friend and also joined facebook but he has gone all jealous, checking up on me because i now have male and female friends.
just friends, i would never do anything, no matter how bad things are.

what would i be able to get money wise ??

am i better off sticking it out here? i mean maybe i would just swap one set of horrors for another??

cheeryface Sun 10-Aug-08 19:51:17


ElenorRigby Sun 10-Aug-08 20:08:45

How old are the children?

cheeryface Sun 10-Aug-08 20:13:18

12 and 9

singyswife Sun 10-Aug-08 20:13:23

I think you have to weigh up which is better for the children. A happy mum on her own or a sad mum with dad. I think if I were you I would look into what was available for you. You may be able to work it out if you are apart. Maybe you could try dating again and see if anything sparks but from what you have said it sounds as if being there is just making you miserable. I think if your dc's knew that this would make mummy happy again then they would be ok with it as long as they seen plenty of daddy. Hope it all works out for you.

cheeryface Sun 10-Aug-08 20:40:14

hmm yes, well i think i'm in a no win. wont be happy either way. feel trapped sad

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