So, how do you start talking to a man you quite like?

[ratbunny]

I have been separated for about a month now, and I was just thinking last night that I actually have NO idea about the whole flirting thing! I was with xh since I was 18, and have been married for 14 years. And now I am 32, with NO idea what to say if there was a man I fancied, or about how to let someone know you are interested etc etc etc In fact, in any situations I had been in, I spent time putting off men that have chatted me up, cos I was married!!
I know its early days, but what on earth do you do?!?!?! Especially if you aren't in a pub / club situation?
And before everyone says there is no rush to find another partner, I AM going to enjoy my singlehood for a while, I don't intend to go rushing into anything, I would just like to be prepared for when / if it does happen!

[GumsAndRoses]

Shared interests would be a good starting point, if you have something in common thats the basis of a relationship.

[ChasingSquirrels]

Well I guess when it happens - you just talk to them, like you would talk to other friends.
For me I am imagining the difficulty in actually identifying/meeting anyone in the first place!
I am in a similar situation, was with H since 19, he moved out 6 wks ago after 17 years, now 36.

[Pan]

Crucial tip - We are RUBBISH at letting a woman know we are 'interested', as a rule. We just don't pick up on the clues/indications, so you may have to be a bit obvious, I'm afraid.
I know this as the world's worst offender. I usually need a woman to wear a white t-shirt and then in v. large red gothic letters it has to say " I REALLY RATHER FANCY YOU AND HOPE YOU STOP SEEING ME AS JUST A FRIEND VERY SOON.I AM FREE NEXT WEEKEND". Or some such.

[Pinkchampagne]

Don't know really - I have often had a few drinks when any men have approached me, and I just waffle on about whatever! Think CS is right - you just talk to them like you would any friend.

[gillybean2]

Reading this thread with much interest!

Talking to them once you get a conversation started is the easier part i think, it's the starting a conversation with a stranger that's the tough one for me. First you have to work out if they are actually single and available, which trying to come across as desperate or an easy lay. Then youhave to figure out if they like you in return...

Am thinking of rushing off to the t-shirt printing shop. Does it have to be specifically in red and gothic font on a white background btw? makes notes I think I may get the guy's attention more (plus a few unintentional ones) by stripped off to change t-shirt when a relevant guy appears, and probably not for the right reasons... ;)

Waits to hear any more useful tips.

[gillybean2]

That should of said without trying to come across as desperate...!

[Pinkchampagne]

I don't think I have ever actually approached a man first. Once they start talking to you, it is much easier!

[Pan]

lol. No, the t-shirt trick is just for me! This is due to my entirely polite and self-deprecating disposition, though some around here may disagree with that....

I really useful way to break any ice would be to say something like " I DO like your tie/shoes/shirt" and develop that on with "It/they go really well with your eyes/jacket/hair" etc. "Where are/is they/it from?" (though delete as necessary, obv.>>

Such a compliment will go a long way.

[Pan]

keep the conv. going with 'open questions', ones for which the answer cannot be just yes or no.

[VictorianSqualor]

Don't talk about the ex either, it may be the biggest thing in your life and mind but it'll make them run a mile, talk about something they can have an input on.
When I was dating it was usually at a bar I'd speak to people, mention the bar staff or something, in a jokey way with a BIG smile, then leave it.
If they like you too it's likely you'll bump into each other again later and can talk properly with the ice already broken form the bar conversation, if it's in a supermarket or something though, you need to make the first conversation last longer.

[ratbunny]

thanks for that - I do like the idea of a tshirt though, it would make likfe a lot simpler!

gillybean - yo uhit the nail on the head. It is the starting the conversation that really is the issue. Once you are talking it;s ok.

How on earth do you work out if a man is single before even getting to the 'is he interested' bit?!

[piratecat]

i think a compliment is a good starter.

who can resist a compliment from a lovely woman?