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just split up woth partner need help

(31 Posts)
somebody Mon 17-Jan-05 14:03:50

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aloha Mon 17-Jan-05 14:06:00

Why do you have to find somewhere else to live? What's your situation regarding the house?

lunavix Mon 17-Jan-05 14:06:06

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littlemissbossy Mon 17-Jan-05 14:07:19

Hi marysavannah, sorry to hear of this and hugs to you x
Can you not stay in the home? and him move out? how many children do you have?

lunavix Mon 17-Jan-05 14:08:02

If you are going to be homeless ie he will kick you out in the next month, phone your local council and they wil find you somewhere to live temporarily, and then help permanently.

Don't worry about access for now, that's the least of your worries. The next people you'll need to tell are child benefit, tax credits etc as you'll be able to get more financial help.

If you have NO money and are desperate either sure start or the tax credit people or someone can give you an emergency grant if you need it.

somebody Mon 17-Jan-05 19:04:18

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lunavix Mon 17-Jan-05 19:07:45

I can't really offer any advice on telling him you are going, just do whatever feels right for you.


somebody Mon 17-Jan-05 19:28:40

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essbee Mon 17-Jan-05 19:32:38

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weightwatchingwaterwitch Mon 17-Jan-05 20:06:39

Hi marysavannah, I remember, he is violent isn't he? So you're doing absolutely the right thing, well done. I know it might not feel like it now but it will later. The women's aid helpline will be able to help if you have any practical questions I'm sure. Might your parents be kind and understanding? I do hope so.

rickman Mon 17-Jan-05 20:16:05

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somebody Mon 17-Jan-05 20:20:38

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lunavix Mon 17-Jan-05 20:23:18

Try to think of how much happier you will be, and how much happier dd will be. Noone deserves to live in an abusive environment, and just think of how she will - unknowingly but even so - thank you for it.

somebody Mon 17-Jan-05 20:25:26

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nutcracker Mon 17-Jan-05 20:29:14

Somebody - Have the coucil told you that as you are priority you will have to accept the first thing offered or risk losing your priority points ???

Just wondered cos i didn't want you to suddenly be offered something you didn't like and then be stuck.
AFAIK if you have proirity poiunts you have to have a very good reason for turning down a property, and it being in a bad area isn't good enough as far as they are concerned.
Make sure you are very clear about the areas and types of property you will accept. As you only have one child it is very very doubtful you will be offered a flat, it will depend on the demand of houses in your area.

Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, thought you would rather know though than find out later.

pinkdiamond Mon 17-Jan-05 20:30:13

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rickman Mon 17-Jan-05 20:31:39

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rickman Mon 17-Jan-05 20:34:19

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vict17 Mon 17-Jan-05 20:34:56

Hopefully your parents will be there for you. Initially they will be upset you felt unable to tell them but they will only be upset/angry because they love you and are worried about you. Good luck. When are you going to tell them?

lunavix Mon 17-Jan-05 20:38:40

Is you and dp on the housing register? Or did you apply behind his back so to speak?

Just wondering what your situation with him is atm.

pinkdiamond Mon 17-Jan-05 20:47:11

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nutcracker Mon 17-Jan-05 20:53:46

I think generally it depends on the deomand of the houses in your area.
Usually you do get 3 chances yeah but here if you are given priority points like medical points or for homelessness then you get one offer.
I had medical points and was offered a grotty masionette with no heating. I turned it down on the basis that it was unsuitable for my Dd2 as she is asthmatic. All of my priority points were then removed and i was left back at the bottom of the list.

It is worth checking your councils policy somebody as they do vary from place to place.

somebody Tue 18-Jan-05 07:40:55

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ThatsMaBoy Tue 18-Jan-05 09:00:58

Just read the whole of the thread and I'm sorry to hear you have had such a hard time but you are making the right steps.

I can understand why you don't want to tell your parents but not sure you see the big picture (sorry if I have this wrong).

You say your parents love you and would be mad that they didn't know this was happening but if you go to womens aid or take a council house in a bad area they will want to know why you did this (especially the womens aid). I would have thought you're right and they would be mad at you but only because they love you and once you have spoken to them they can help you get through this. If you send them an email they will only want to see you and you will still have to discuss it with them face to face. Get it over with is my opinion and then they can support you as you know they will :-)

I hope everything does go well for you (it can't be worse than what you have been putting up with) but if there are problems along the way it would be good to get the support of your folks.

somebody Tue 18-Jan-05 13:35:03

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