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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Ex inlaws visiting tomorrow and I'm dreading it!

19 replies

rickman · 15/01/2005 22:37

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beansprout · 15/01/2005 22:38

Oh lawd - how long is the visit?

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Mummyloves · 15/01/2005 22:40

Oh rickman, I've been there! Since that time, has ex dp been seeing DS and will he be there too?

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Cardigan · 15/01/2005 22:41

How do you get along with them? Could you set a time limit on the visit?

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rickman · 15/01/2005 22:45

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beansprout · 15/01/2005 22:49

They had better bloody not make you feel awkward, you are a star for managing everything you have on your plate, and if they DARE swan in for one bloody hour and make you feel awkward they will have me to answer to!!
Please know you have nothing to feel awkward about and, hey presto, they then can't make you feel that way as they are damn well WRONG!!!

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rickman · 15/01/2005 22:54

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rickman · 15/01/2005 22:55

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Cardigan · 15/01/2005 23:00

Stick with how you feel rm. Don't be pushed into handing your little one over. Don't be pressured by them as a group. It's your house so you're in control. Set the boundaries for the meeting when they arrive.

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Mummyloves · 15/01/2005 23:01

Sorry rickman, I don't know your situation obviously so maybe I'm talking off the top of my head, but when in the situation whereby ex dp, who had left me before I'd found out I was pregnant and only came back to want to "show the baby off", I just couldn't cope. The animosity was tremendous, his parents had been real "s*s to me on the phone and it was a case of just wanting to "claim" some control over DS. None of them gave a s**t about me or our circumstances and I too caved in and let them come. It was horrendous, like a media circus, with the video camera and camera out. I was made to feel in the way in my own cramped home, I was just facilitating the showing off of the "trophy". There wasn't a word of concern for us, interest in DS or anything, he was just being "demonstrated". The whole thing was so stressful and I hadn't wanted it in the first place. As I wasn't intending to deny ex DP access, I decided after that that as DS was a life long committment and presumably, no one was going anywhere, DS wasn't going to suffer as a baby by not seeing his grandparents until such time as ex DP was taking him out on his own. At which time, ex DP could choose to spend as much time with his parents as he wanted. I wouldn't have to put up with that scenario again. No way would I ever lose control in my own home in that way ever again. Nor do I believe that DS would have "suffered" had he not seen his grandparents at that age. He wouldn't even have remembered, so it was not for him, it was for them, and I owe them nothing. Don't be intimidated in your home. If your upset, and stressed, baby will be too remember. Not worth it. I really hope its absolutely nothing like that for you and your circumstances are different. Take a deep breath and grit your teeth. And don't watch the clock!!! It only goes slower!

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PuffTheMagicDragon · 15/01/2005 23:05

Agree with Cardigan.

Good luck with tomorrow.

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rickman · 15/01/2005 23:08

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Caligula · 15/01/2005 23:11

Rickman, anytime they start making you feel remotely uncomfortable, just think - and if need be, talk - about how much maintenance their precious son owes you, how much he's depriving his children, how he suddenly seems to think he doesn't have to contribute towards their upkeep. In laws HATE hearing that their grandchildren have to have second hand uniform because you can't afford new. It's an implicit criticism of their son. (Although they hate it even more when you say "well actually, MY mum has bought all their clothes this year because obviously, your DS doesn't pay me enough to afford new clothes.")

If they get dirty, Babe, you can too. (Only if you're up to it, obviously.)

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Mummyloves · 15/01/2005 23:30

Rickman, if you're going into the unknown, because you don't know what their thoughts and feelings are about you, I think that I'd want to sound this one out first before they actually come. I only say this in case they are coming with strong negative feelings about you are will intentially make them known. Could you speak to them on the phone first and say something like, "I know we haven't spoken since last year, it will be nice for you to see DS, I hope that we can spend a pleasant hour together for the sake of DS blah blah" and see what their reaction is. If they suddenly come out with the, "Well, that depends on you".....and a lot of attitude, it will give you an idenication of how things are going to be. If they are damn right rude then I would personally say that if that is their attitude towards you, you don't want them to come. I hope that doesn't come across as too negative, but as you don't know how they are going to be and you are intending on being their "hostess", it would be nice to find out in advance what their thoughts are.You never know, you might be pleasantly surprised and it might be an icebreaker to stop you being so nervous. Like I said, I don't know your story so this might be totally impracticle. Sorry if it doesn't help.