Skip to main content
Skip to main navigation
Skip to talk navigation

Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Saved Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Flip

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

God i am so fucking lonely and miserable

20 replies

allgonebellyup · 15/05/2008 22:02

Ex dh's baby was eventually born last week, some of you may know my story.

now my son is there with them all (he stays with his dad every week)and they are all playing happy families with the newborn.

i have my heart broken in two, my ds just sings about his dad and the new baby all the time, i have nothing to look forward to, i dont really eat, i dont really sleep, and i basically am just existing.i have had several nights out but for some reason when im out i just feel the pain even worse and CANNOT get ex out of my head.

When does the fucking pain go away?
Ive waited the 9months for this baby to be born, hoping i could move on after the birth, but i feel 100 times worse.

sorry for the self indulgent moan.

OP posts:

Report

littlewoman · 15/05/2008 22:06

Pain is hardly self-indulgent bellyup.
for you. I know how I would feel in your place.

charliecat · 15/05/2008 22:06

ouch
I dont think theres a time limit, one day! Will that do...
Try and enjoy things with your ds, what does he like doing with his time?

lonely and miserable the 3rd...nuttys got in there 1st tonight, your 2nd and im taking the third spot.

mummyblue · 15/05/2008 22:29

I DO know what you are talking. I still feel the pain and it´s been a long time ago. Some women can heal, but I am the kind of woman that hasn´t achieve that. My heart broke in pieces when my ex-h left us, and it gets worse every time I try to move on. My life, my family, my dreams have been stolen from me. I will never get better.

Tortington · 15/05/2008 22:31

shiney new baby will be pain in the arse in about ohhhh 3 months.

youreally need to do something - drum lessons. i think you need drum lessons. you need to practice tobe guns n roses back up drummer whilst they are all playing not happy ailies for very fucking lng - you can be enjoying the freedom they wish they had

betcha

georgiemama · 15/05/2008 22:33

DS doesn't mean to hurt you, the new half sibling is a novelty and he is too young to understand that for you it means only pain and hurt. You will move on from this, you wil find the other side of this hill. Not very MN but {{{{{{hugs}}}}}}}}

Mummyblue - and OP - have you tried relate? They are fabulous and cane really help gain some perspective. When my not so dear father left my mum had been in a relationship with him for over 30 years. they were her lifeline.

littlewoman · 15/05/2008 22:39

Custardo, you are right. Shiny new baby will be a pain in the arse in a couple of weeks actually. And you can snuggle in your bed and laugh at the rows they are having, caused by lack of sleep.
Drumming is an excellent idea. Think how hard you can wallop exhusband'shead those drums, as therapy

allgonebellyup · 16/05/2008 17:39

thanks custardo - i do keep thinking "oh the baby will make life hard for them" but it doesnt seem to yet.

Drumming sounds like the best idea ive heard yet!!!!

OP posts:

charlotte121 · 16/05/2008 19:31

hi allgonebellyup. I split from my ex about 3 months ago... im literally about to give birth to his child and he is with someone new. I left ex as he had a gambling problem and was just generally making my life a misssery but im still crazy about him. He drives me insane the way he shows a complete lack of disregard for our son and how he is totally unsupportive of my pregnancy. But when i see him with his new girlfriend and her daughter all together playing happy families it makes me realise that could be us as a little family. saying that i do spend most of my time on here complaining about him saying how much i hate him but i do love him as well... its pretty complicated. But i know how u feel. seeing them with someone else is almost llike being stabbed. All i have in mind is that i know were better off apart. were not a good couple... maybe its the same for u. maybe its a case of wanting what you cant have. Its a lot easier for men to move on. just give it some more time and remind urself of all of the things that caused problems between u when u were together, maybe u'll see that ur better off apart. x

taken4granted · 16/05/2008 19:40

AGBU sending you a big hug - I hope you will feel better at some point its hard I know and I havent got to the stage of ex shit head having a baby although I know its probably an eventuality - just think though if he can be a shit and walk out on you and ds he can do it to her as well - you ARE better off without I allready admire you for letting him play happy families with your son - I cant bring myself to accept that so you should be proud of what you have achieved allready GOOD Luck

allgonebellyup · 16/05/2008 20:03

taken4granted - he didnt walk out on us though - i told him to leave (in a moment of anger), and he did.

OP posts:

AMAZINWOMAN · 16/05/2008 20:12

surely he realised it was a moment of anger! why didnt he even try and resolve the situation, why did he just walk out? doesnt sound like he has much backbone

allgonebellyup · 16/05/2008 20:42

well i (stupidly)decided i liked having the house to myself and no man to clear up after, so i told him to live with his mum.i never meant it to be forever. i am kicking myself now.
He did move to his mums, and took on a great big mortgage with her.
He was depressed and then met this girl who he knocked up .

OP posts:

Janni · 16/05/2008 20:46

Sorry you are feeling so rotten. The novelty of the baby will wear off, think back to how hard it is having a little baby!
Your son has no idea how his excitement about the baby makes you feel - PLEASE do not take that personally.

You assume they are playing happy families - you have no idea, really though.

Hope things brighten up for you soon.

allgonebellyup · 16/05/2008 20:50

thanks

it all sounds happy at their end when i speak to ds on the phone, and my ex seems happy enough, even though they all have to live in his mums horrible tiny house.

OP posts:

snotbuster · 16/05/2008 21:52

I suppose he's hardly going to admit to you (of all people) that it is crap/not perfect.
Must be a really hard time for you - don't beat yourself up about feeling upset as it's very natural. I get really about XP having a new partner and I really don't want him back.
Hope you get chance to do something nice for yourself this weekend.

LonelySingleMummy · 24/05/2008 00:17

Feel for you allgonebellyup. Me I've not left myself open to being hurt for a few years now since had heart broken. Not saying its right. Even son's dad didn't break the surface :0
Chin up babe it can only get better xxx

glitterfairy · 24/05/2008 10:58

Keep in touch with why you chucked him out!

Play the drums (excellent suggestion Custardo), form a band, go out with the lead singer in your new band and enjoy.

I am also sending a big hug and the thought that other people are right you have no idea what is happening his end and it is good your ds is happy.

It will end in tears mark my words! Living in a horrible house with someone's mother and a new baby YUK!

detoxdiva · 24/05/2008 11:21

Speaking as the wife of my dh who has a dd with his ex, I just wanted to add that no matter how difficult this all is for you I think you are being a fab mum by ensuring that your ds continues his relationship with his dad, and now his new sibling.

My dh has no relationship with his dd, as his ex stopped all his contact with their dd once our baby arrived.

I can only imagine how you are feeling right now, but your ds will grow up to see how great you were to keep his relationship with both parents going, in spite of your own personal feelings.

Good luck for the future...I hope you learn to enjoy the time you get on your own.

allgonebellyup · 24/05/2008 17:45

detox- that is awful - what reason did the ex have for keeping her dd away from her dad??

OP posts:

detoxdiva · 26/05/2008 11:01

Hi allgonebellyup, hope you are feeling a little better

Dh's ex has no reason, other than that is the sort of person she is sadly. When they split she just found it incredibly hard to be without dd and projected her own feelings on to dd so dd was just cmpletely torn between the 2 of them - while he had access for a few years, as dd got older he would just get phone calls the day before saying "dd doesn't want to see you". She has never said "you're not seeing her", but all dd hears is ex's opinions on dh and naturally her loyalties are completely divided. Our only hope is that as she gets older she'll be strong enough in her own mind to make an informed decision and see what her mum has been doing all these years.

Hence, my comment about how lucky your ds is to have you with clearly his best interests at heart - I wish you all the best and hope that you are able to make the best of the situation and move on with your life.

Flip

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.