Insensitive friends

[FreesiaFairy]

Does anyone else get the 'oh your so lucky to have a day to chill' comment from friends about the day when your child goes to their other parent (if this is your arrangement - I realise not everyone has this) I find that quite insensitive, especially when going through a break up with a young baby.. and when coming from people in relationships, they have no idea what it's like !

[Mintjulia]

People generally can be a bit insensitive. No-one ever knows what someone else's life is like. It works both ways. I've known people tell someone they are so lucky to have such a lovely partner when in reality he's vile and abusive, and her life is hell.

Just smile, set them straight and don't think too badly of them. I'm sure they don't mean to offend.

[Givemeabreak88]

I dunno, I’m a lone parent and I do feel that people whose ex has regular contact are lucky to get a break, wish I could get one haven’t had one in 4 years.

[FreesiaFairy]

It's nice to have a break (although you don't have much choice in the matter and may miss your children) but when coming from someone in a loving relationship is a bit insensitive as I'd rather be in their position (although as @Mintjulia rightly says you never know what's going on behind closed doors).

[FreesiaFairy]

But yes I agree if you're going to be a lone parent, one that has a good co-parenting set up is better than without as it's exhausting, and must be hard to find the time to be able to do anything for yourself

[Plonque]

No, I've been there. I loved my days off. If my mate had have said "god, you're so lucky" I'd have said "yeah, it is rather fab!" and thought no more about it.

[Givemeabreak88]

Maybe I’m clutching at straws but could it be that you’ve been saying you’re sad about it (which is understandable) so they are trying to make you see the positives like enjoying the time to yourself?

[ChablisandCrisps]

I was a lone parent for years before I met DH. I love him and all of the children I now have obviously, but boy do sometimes miss the days of 1 child who went to their dad every other weekend! Bloody bliss. Literally never alone now 😭

[OhioOhioOhio]

Tons of shit like this. Tons of it.

[FreesiaFairy]

Yeh I guess they're just trying to point out the silver linings. I just found it a bit upsetting as didn't seem to acknowledge the situation properly.

[questioninghowwhy]

People are as I put it clumsy with their words. People generally mean well with what they say but it comes out wrong and if they say it when you're in a bad mood (or feeling emotional) then it's ten times worse. In time hopefully you will be able to enjoy your 'time off' and try to use it as opportunity to do anything you want (sadly right now with COVID a walk with a friend uninterrupted is prob as good as it gets!)

After all the rubbish I've been through I end up letting things slide e.g. people (more colleagues) asking if I'm going to have a second child whilst in the middle of a marriage breakdown, to which I responded and say no my marriage is over, they'd normally get very embarrassed but I'd think don't ask me such a personal question, or when you start dating men will ask why you're marriage ended, I'd keep it brief, then ask why did your last relationship fail? People love to ask about marriage failures but never ask why other relationships fail. When I changed my surname back to my maiden name, people at work (who I deal with but don't directly work with) said congratulations because they thought I got married. I would just say thank you in the end.

[OhioOhioOhio]

I didn't mean to off load. I meant to bulk buy extra while you can and have it waiting for you. Next size up of clothes, shoes, next year's gifts or whatever. Think of the whole picture.

[hashbrownsandwich]

People never truly understand until they are in that position themselves.
I keep getting comments of 'I don't know why you let them go' to their dad. Reality is, if I didn't, I would be taken to court and it's immoral to keep them from their dad even if he is a massive twat.

I always feel guilty when my sons are with their dad. I feel like I shouldn't be having fun without them. That's 6 years on from being divorced.

They're with their dad for a week from tomorrow for Christmas and I'm dreading it.