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Single mama need some advice on ex seeing baby!!

(5 Posts)
Babymama2020 Fri 20-Nov-20 21:38:20

Hey,

So me and my ex split when my LB was 7 weeks... he is now 22 weeks. In this time his dad has had him on his own a limited amount of times.. he used to have him a Saturday or a Sunday for a few hours but phoned me whenever he had him when baby cried stressing that he didn’t know what to do.
Understandably this made me anxious for him having him, I couldn’t relax when he was there and was constantly waiting for a phone call .... we had a discussion which turned sour and resulted in him not coming to see baby for a couple of weeks.
When he finally did come to see him, he asked about having him.. but I said he needs to learn his routine build a bond back and get to know his child and be comfortable.. so I had been there whenever seen him. (A couple times a week max)
I have been self isolating due to someone in household testing positive, so babies dad hasn’t seen him for 14 days.. as isolating period is now over he came tonight at 4pm give him his tea helped bath him then left at 5pm. I asked if he was seeing him tomorrow.. which he replied he is spending the day with his daughter (who is 11years old)

Am I been unreasonable in thinking it’s not fair he spends one hour with our son but a day with his daughter. I believe it’s because she is easy as that age they care for themselves. But surely after 2 weeks of not seeing your son you would want every spare minute to be with him??

I move house in a week, so I stupidly presumed he would be around this weekend to help with baby so I could pack etc but clearly not.

Should I say anything??

I feel like I’m literally doing it all on my own while he gets to live his carefree life!!

I love every minute with my baby but he does not like sleep very much at the minute and I’m one exhausted mummy!!

Help ladies please x

OP’s posts: |
mswales Fri 20-Nov-20 21:46:55

Sounds like you need to agree a regular routine with set days and times rather than waiting to see what he feels like day to day. You can't be beholden to him all the time, you need to be able to plan your life. Cant you tell him you need his help for moving?

Babymama2020 Fri 20-Nov-20 21:50:53

I have suggested set days etc.. but as he lives with his mum since us splitting up he is forever making excuses.
He has just started a new job too where he works 6pm-2am then sleeps all day .. whenever I suggest he has baby in afternoon he says he is too tired from work and has to get ready for work.

I feel like I’m constantly trying to arrange for him to see him but getting knocked back.

Do I just leave it? But then I will feel horrible on baby not seeing his dad.

I asked for his help when moving to which he said “I will help if I can”

OP’s posts: |
unicornsarereal72 Sat 21-Nov-20 09:01:22

Stop chasing him. This is not your responsibility. If he wants to see the baby he needs to let you know. I would suggest that sat/sun afternoons are Available. As your son is so small. As you say he needs to do short regular contact.

If he is going to be flaky best he drop out now rather than when your son is more aware. Start building your own support networks. Don't depend on your ex.

Make sure you go through CMS for child support. This shouldn't be left to be vague.

FreesiaFairy Sat 21-Nov-20 18:25:32

Personally I would just assume you are doing it all on your own, arrange some regular times with him and if he doesn't show up then that's his loss..? will be different when your child is older as they will be disappointed if they were expecting to see him but can cross that bridge when you come to it? x

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