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im torn between 2 guys

(20 Posts)
LadySTUNNA Mon 10-Sep-07 17:50:41

could really do with some advice, you see, i have 2 kids they have differant dads, my first childs dad is a rich succesfull bussinessman and he wants me 2 marry him and he treats me like a queen and can give me the world but i dont love him. but my second childs dad doesnt do anything, smokes drugs, he used 2 physically abuse me now he doesnt, he has cheated and lied 2 me but yet im in love with him. i have split with my second childs dad loads of times (we have such a volitale relationship its untrue) and gone bk 2 my first childs dad but then when things gt right i go bk to the man im in love with. what do i do because i cant keep messing everyone around. who do i choose? the man i want? or the man i need?blush

Carmenere Mon 10-Sep-07 17:52:57

How about forgetting about depending on men and be the parent your children need. Leave the first one alone so he can find someone who loves him and leave the second one because he is a scumbag.

lou33 Mon 10-Sep-07 17:53:51

leave them both alone, one you dont love, so that's not fair on him, and one sounds like a shit tbh, and he is no good for you or your kids

LadySTUNNA Mon 10-Sep-07 18:02:13

thanks guys thing is im dependant on my first childs dad for emotional support, i cant talk to anyone else about my problems apart from him, if he leaves my life im F**ked i trust him with my life i trust him with everything and he is always there for me to talk to when i need him. how do i break away from not needing him? sad

lou33 Mon 10-Sep-07 18:03:55

you are only dependent because you have made it that way, you can find other people to confide in

that's not to say you shouldnt have a relationsip of sorts with him as he is the father of your child, but i dont think you should be using him as a crutch , which is how it appears

Carmenere Mon 10-Sep-07 18:06:07

What is in it for him though LS? That is not a very nice way to treat a decent man, is it?

lou33 Mon 10-Sep-07 18:08:15

why do you love a man who treated you so crappily? and why dont you love a man who thinks the world of you?

lou33 Mon 10-Sep-07 18:08:28

hi carmen

Carmenere Mon 10-Sep-07 18:11:58

Hi Lou, I think that LadyS has self esteem issues, the usual, 'I don't deserve the nice bloke because I am BAAAD and only deserve the abusive plonker'.
Ditch the idiot first anyway and at least see if there might be a possiblity of something with the nice man.

LadySTUNNA Mon 10-Sep-07 18:12:13

i know its very bad he says im using him and its not fair on him. which i understand. he is very decent, and loves me very much but i just cant give back those feelings. you see i loved him when i gave birth and till my child was 1 but he didnt love me bk so i moved on now its the other way round! he is looking for a wife and wants more children but in my heart i wouldnt like that and have said certain things to him to delay him moving on because i know as soon as he gets married thats it i cant talk to him anymore because it would b disrespectful toward his wife. maybe im being selfish but.. i dont know im torn...sad

fawkeoff Mon 10-Sep-07 18:14:22

sorry to be so blunt about this....but stop being so wet!!!!,you need to distance yourself from both of these men, and let the first childs dad find someone who will love him back,and he should get a backbone and tell you this himself

LadySTUNNA Mon 10-Sep-07 18:14:38

yes ure spot on carmenere i have low self esteem in my first child dads world im LOW class im not in a fantastic job or got 3 cars or live in a mansion so i feel i would b out of place. but in my second childs dad world im the Top Cheese! im the best he can get. and i kind of like the feeling of being wanted and needed.

lou33 Mon 10-Sep-07 18:14:53

i know carmen, i was just asking so she would ask herself

<dons faux shrink outfit>

lou33 Mon 10-Sep-07 18:15:49

sorry but thats a crap reason to stay with someone, who to me, has been described as a dickhead

LadySTUNNA Mon 10-Sep-07 18:17:34

i dont love him because hes not what i want hes what i need.

lou33 Mon 10-Sep-07 18:18:12

try being single?

mytwopenceworth Mon 10-Sep-07 18:20:04

what do you want?
Why not list the qualities that you are looking for in a man ... NOT a description of either of these men, btw. Close your eyes and imagine your ideal bloke.

Is he kind, is he loyal, is he romantic, is he adventurous.....

You really sound like you don't feel the nice guy's equal, which is sad. Maybe you'd be better off single and taking time to sort yourself out (self esteem wise, I mean)

fawkeoff Mon 10-Sep-07 18:22:57

well dont u think u should fins someone wjo you are equal to?????

ScoobyDooooo Mon 10-Sep-07 18:23:20

If you don't love the 1st guy let him guy, surly he deserves happiness with someone who wants to love him?

As for the 2nd guy, you are asking for trouble what attracts you to him? is it because he is a bad guy & keeps you on your toes?

ScoobyDooooo Mon 10-Sep-07 18:23:45

Let him GO not guy lol

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