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Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Use our Single Parent forum to speak to other parents raising a child alone.

Lone parents

Grandparents

17 replies

stressed05 · 04/03/2020 12:52

My DS is still tiny ( 17 months ). His paternal grandparents have never given me their phone number nor have they ever contacted me via text/ phone call to ask about him at all and go months without seeing him. His dad has very little contact ( his choice ) and we were never in a relationship But his mum and dad they have always been nice enough to me when I've saw them and no dramas have happened. Anyway my question is I decided to ask my sons dad for their phone numbers because I feel it would be nice to have my DS grandparents number just in case they wanted any more contact in the future and to make it clear I'm not stopping any ( as I dont know what my sons father tells them). But my sons dad responded why? What's it for? ( as if I shouldn't have their numbers ). And then eventually gave me his dads but said he didn't have his step mums number ( even though they live together and she had brought him up since he was 12). Do you think I was unreasonable to want to have my sons grandparents phone numbers?

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Starlight456 · 04/03/2020 13:03

When do his Mum and Dad usually see your dc?

My ex’s parents never wanted to see my Ds without there Ds as it felt disloyal 🙄. My ex rarely turned up for contact so it isn’t like he is deprived

stressed05 · 04/03/2020 13:13

@Starlight456 they've only saw him about 6 times in his life. I've took DS to theirs 5 times but stopped because they weren't making any effort and left it months in between asking to see him and then they visited him at my house once after I moaned. All with their DS there too . Still yet to hear anything from them and that was 4 months ago.

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stuffingball · 04/03/2020 13:15

Do you really think it's doing your son good by seeing them so infrequently? Surely just not bother. If they're not interested in their grandson as a toddler they certainly won't be as an older child

Clangus00 · 04/03/2020 13:15

If they wanted you to have their numbers, they would’ve given it to you themselves before now.
They obviously don’t want a relationship with your son.
I would just leave it.

stressed05 · 04/03/2020 13:18

@stuffingball @Clangus00 you are both so right and deep down I do know that. I guess I just never want my son to think I didn't do enough to support him having a relationship with them ( but I know I have ).

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Windyatthebeach · 04/03/2020 13:19

When I split with exh his dps only saw the dc via ex. I neve saw /spoke to them for years...

Starlight456 · 04/03/2020 13:27

When I went to mediation . She said gp contact usually happens on parents time.

I think far too much emphasis is put on this is your responsibility to make nrp, gp’s too see their children/ grandchildren. You are busy raising your dc. Let them come to you. Focus on enjoying your child

stressed05 · 04/03/2020 13:31

@Windyatthebeach , I mean if DS father wasn't such a waste of space and contact was through him then I wouldn't care about speaking to them but he hardly sees DS which In turn affects DS having a good relationship with his grandparents ( even though they should be trying regardless of how their son behaves )

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stressed05 · 04/03/2020 13:32

@Starlight456 thank you x

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Windyatthebeach · 04/03/2020 13:35

Sadly it's easy to see where your ex got his sense of responsibility from...
The are supporting ex in walking away.
Imo your ds needs 1 decent, reliable parent. He has you - he honestly won't miss out on such a flakey fuckwit..

stressed05 · 04/03/2020 20:48

Thank you everyone. He will always have me and it's them that's missing out x

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Windyatthebeach · 04/03/2020 21:25

Just to say - my dd's df walked away when she was 2.
He resurfaced when she was 21.
He had had another dc - age 10. Dd tried to forge a relationship but admitted there was no bond /connection.. And She Dumped Him!
She also told me many times she never felt she missed out by not having a df as having a fab dm had always been enough! I am no where near perfect but have always done my best and she has always felt loved.
She is a very successful woman these days!

Annaminna · 06/03/2020 14:28

I am surprised you decided to ask that number via third person (DS father) and not directly from grandparents?
Why this type of games?

annablack · 06/03/2020 14:29

@Annaminna I don't see them to ask them directly

Annaminna · 09/03/2020 14:55

@annablack and @stressed05

You wrote:
"his mum and dad they have always been nice enough to me when I've saw them and no dramas have happened."

Sounds like you do meet them? Its you who wrote : always... when I've saw them.

Daftodil · 14/03/2020 21:25

I connected with my DC's paternal grandparents via Facebook. They haven't met him, but like you, I wanted them to know the door was open. I send pictures (birthday, Christmas, various "first"s (first day of school, first bike, etc) and they send nice messages back, but never instigate anything. They are quite old and don't live nearby so unlikely that they'll visit. They also have about a dozen other grandchildren more local to them who keep them busy day-to-day. I think the photos are appreciated though.

Annaminna · 18/03/2020 09:22

You wrote that your son is 17 moths old. How did you managed to take a picture of his first day of school?

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