Ex calling DD offensive nickname

[fionasox]

Ex has recently started having court ordered contact with DD3 and DD5. He's been having contact with DD5 for a few months but has only recently met DD3.

It's not going well anyway and I'm really irritated that he is taking DD3's nickname and changing it to something childish and offensive. Best example I can give is her nn is Betty so he's calling her Sweaty.

I don't think there's anything I can do about so it's more of a vent tbh!

[fionasox]

Anyone got any ideas on anything I could do?

[MrsJoshNavidi]

Isn't that just a Dad thing?

[fionasox]

I don't know, is it? Seems a strange thing to do with a child that you've only just met!

[PumpkinP]

Wouldn’t really bother me

[frazzledasarock]

It definitely would bother me. Can you smile at him and say hope you had a lovely time girls with daddy cuntychops.

If he queries it tell him it goes really nicely with his nickname for the girls.

[FatherB]

"I'm really irritated"

Is she? If not then probably no harm done and could be done as a weird sign of affection. If she is then you probably should have a little discussion but it doesn't sound like a massive deal. If it's wordplay then it isn't being meant to offend or upset, so it's not abusive or anything. Probably just ex not thinking about it and having a laugh.

[fionasox]

It doesn't seem to bother DD3 but I don't want her growing up thinking her name is Sweaty (example obvs)! DD5 really doesn't like it and it was her that told me about it because it's not kind.

[fionasox]

Does nobody find it a strange thing to do with a child you've only met 3 times?

[YourOpinionIsNoted]

I'm with you op, it is odd. Could you tell him that while dd3 doesn't really understand, dd5 thinks it is unkind? Would the knowledge that his dd thinks he is being unkind have any impact on him?

[Batqueen]

I don’t think it’s a sign of affection to give your child a mean nickname. And yes she probably doesn’t think to verbally object to something a parent figure she barely knows calls her. She’s 3! Her sister can tell it isn’t a kind thing to do though. I’m not surprised it bothers you.

[Ninjakittysmellz]

My Ds dad can be a bit like this - he only sees ds once a month and so doesn’t really know him as such, but he play acts at being a dad - and part of that is having ‘fun’ nicknames, rough and tumble, teasing etc. It’s jarring (in our case) because he hasn’t got the relationship built up in order for it to be perceived as friendly / affectionate teasing - but in his case, he’s trying to do what he perceives other dads do. He’s just a bit off the mark. Not sure if I’m explaining this very well! Could it be similar in your case?

[NoClueWithStyle]

I find it not strange, but horrible and demeaning.

I'm biased though because my ex would do the same as part of a larger abusive picture.
If he's a good dad in all other aspects, I could overlook it but not if there was any doubt about how well he is treating them. The fact she is 3 and only met him recently indicates that all has not run smoothly.

And other than that, if DD5 has told you she doesnt like it, has she told him? If she has and he is a good dad he would have stopped it.

I can see how I could stumble across a rhyming name for my DC, but if one of them called me out on it, I would consider what they said and suggest we think of a new kind nickname.

I think his response to knowing dd5's reaction will tell you as much about his parenting as the nickname itself.

[travellover]

literally just a jokey nickname, unless she's upset by it then I don't really understand what the big deal is IMO

[SaskiaRembrandt]

I agree, Op, it is strange. She's only small so she might not mind at the moment because she won't understand, but surely there will come a point when she does understand and she starts to wonder why he's being so mean to her.

[JacquesHammer]

Utterly bizarre behaviour. Certainly not a normal “dad” thing. It seems rather unkind.

[fionasox]

@Ninjakittysmellz I think you've got it tbh.

[Chottie]

OP - I think it is an absolutely revolting thing to do. Your ex OH is not a kind person, why would he chose to do this to a little child? Is it done just to upset you?

[fionasox]

I find it really odd because it's over-familiar and not something that has developed naturally. It's something he seems to call her quite often too and it is unkind, as her sister says.

[Stayawayfromitsmouth]

It's a bit off really. No decent parent would do this.
How did he manage to get court ordered contact when he hasn't even met dd3?
I have no advice on how to deal with this. Do you have some sort of social worker/ health visitor/ nursery worker you can talk it over with.
It's not fair for either of your dd's to have to deal with.

[GaaaaarlicBread]

My dad did this to me growing up and it never bothered me 😃

[MadameButterface]

I think this is really weird and horrible as well. It’s a completely different thing from being good naturedly teased by a parent you’ve seen every day from birth. A lot of emotionally abusive behaviour or negging is brushed off by the perpetrator as just a joke or banter and this is in the same category as that i think. I don’t know how you’d tackle it though, unless you can just be straight with him and say dd5 was upset because you called dd3 a name that’s unkind, she knows she’d get in trouble if she said that to a kid at school so it upset her that you’d say it to dd3 so maybe cut it out? I don’t know how receptive he’d be though? If he’s only just met his 3yo i am assuming there’s a whole backstory to this

[fionasox]

Cafcass suggested it was unfair for one to have contact and not the other. He is rather good at putting on the super dad act

[Oliversmumsarmy]

The fact it makes your 5 year old uncomfortable suggests it comes from a place of nastiness as opposed to familial kindness.

I wouldn’t want any child to be called names.
Definitely bullying behaviour