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Any single Mums out there?

(9 Posts)
Poppet626 Sat 14-Dec-19 12:28:15

Hi everyone, i found out i was pregnant about a week ago. I told my partner i wanted to keep the baby as i already had an abortion before, that baby also would have been his. I just dont feel in my heart that i could get an abortion this time, even though this was not planned i really feel i love this baby already, i keep thinking about who they will be, what they will look like, will they be a boy or a girl? He has said if i dont get an abortion he may leave me as he will resent me and the child for it all being forced on him when he is not emotionally or financially ready. I do understand his concerns, i really do. I feel sympathy for him that this has happened at a time in his life where he isn't ready but i felt that no matter what, we would support eachother and get by, i am not trying to force anything on him, im really not. I have considered his views but feel that if i go through with the abortion i will feel i only did so because i felt pressure from him, i really dont know how i will cope if he leaves me, it will break my heart as i do really love him. He told me he spoke to his Mum and she agreed with him that he had every right to leave me. I feel insulted by that but they have both kind of got in my head and made me feel that maybe i am in the wrong for almost pushing this on him? I don't know. All i know is that i dont think i can get an abortion, its like i just cant physically do it so now i know that i will most likely end up going this alone, i will most likely be a single Mum. Im only 23 and im really scared. Ive never felt more depressed than i have in the past week. What am i in for? Will i struggle too much? I want to make you all aware he is older than me, he is 28.


OP’s posts: |
20wedding19 Sat 14-Dec-19 14:58:36

Firstly, congratulations on your pregnancy. I'm not a single mum but listen, yes it is his baby but it is your body and so you decide - there is a life in there that needs protecting, no one but you gets to decide that. He is acting awfully - if he was adamant about not having a baby he should have taken appropriate actions to prevent getting you (or anyone else for that matter) pregnant. It is not the 1950's anymore, there is an awful lot of support for single mums now. What are your family like? Are they supportive of you? Do you live closeby to them? Also absolutely disgusting behaviour from his mum - I have a brother, none of us in the family would allow him to treat a lady he got pregnant like this.
If you choose to have this baby you will honestly surprise yourself, and it will actually be easier to have a baby by yourself that wirh a man that is not 100% in it, you will feel like you have 2 children, not one
I'm sure you will get lots of other good advice but I didn't want to leave your post unanswered. Good luck with whatever you decide

OhioOhioOhio Sat 14-Dec-19 15:00:50


It will be fine. His loss. Bastard.

20wedding19 Sat 14-Dec-19 15:02:59

I meant to say you will surprise yourself with how strong you can be without him even if you may not feel it right now.

KarenSm1th Sat 14-Dec-19 15:04:45

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

Louise91417 Sat 14-Dec-19 15:08:42

Im a single mum and i cope far better and i am more content than when i was in "relationship". Never underesti.ate how strong you can be when the need arises. Congratulationsflowers

BarbaraStrozzi Sat 14-Dec-19 15:13:55

I'm a single mum, have gone it alone from the beginning. It sounds to me like you want to have this baby.

So I'd say practicalities.

Where will you live? Initially (while the child is small) you can share a bedroom, but as your child gets older, you'll need a room each. Can you afford the rent?

What's your job? Will you be able to afford childcare out of your salary? How's your work about part time hours/flexible working?

What do you have by way of a support network - eg if you get ill, do you have relatives/close friends who could step up?

In theory your soon to be ex will be liable for child maintenance whether he likes it or not. In practice however many men do not pay and there's actually sod all you can do about it.

carly2803 Sat 14-Dec-19 20:31:38

start getting a good support network now. I was single before birth. It can be done.

Take help, get your finances in order now, dont leave it until the last minute. Find out what money you are entitled toas a single mum.

can you move in with family?

you will be ok


Rainsun1 Sun 26-Apr-20 22:48:17

@Poppet626 did you go with what you thought was best in the end?

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