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i dont know how to "move on" when i have nothing to "move on" to..

(14 Posts)
allgonebellyup Thu 23-Aug-07 16:53:06

my dh is now with someone else after i asked him to leave - i just needed some space after a few months of arguments, but now he is gone for good.
when we were together he was so good to me, stayed up all night with ds who never sleeps then off to work at 5am for a sometimes 14hr day.
always helping round the house and cleaning when he was here, also took on my dd since she was 2 as his own.

now i have thrown it all away and he is in love with his new woman who treats him well, apparently.
i keep asking him to return, he refuses and tells me to move on.
How can i??

i wont meet anyone else who treated me as well and anyone i dont meet anyone full stop.
i hate imagining them together, makes me cry.

mojosmum Thu 23-Aug-07 17:02:54

Oh allgonebellyup - it does get easier you will have good & bad days but there must of beena reason why you asked him to leave & why you where arguing so maybe he wasnt that perfect
is he still seeing ds & dd?

allgonebellyup Thu 23-Aug-07 17:07:34

yes he sees them all the time. thats why i find it so hard, having to see him every week. knowing he is with her too.

the reason i asked him to leave was that ive suffered massive depression since having ds (only just seen doc even though ds is 3)and was FOUL to dh, even my family said i treated him like shit.i was just so miserable i took it out on the person closest to me.
he wasnt perfect but fairly close.
but he will not forgive me.

filthymindedvixen Thu 23-Aug-07 17:14:35

It sounds like you need time to grieve the end of this relationship. It does sound like he's made up his mind. That grieving process is a sort of moving on. 5 stages of grief have been identified - denial, anger, bargaining, depression, acceptance. This is normal and there is no time limit on how long it might take. Counselling might help you feel a little more positive. I know you are probably feeling like you are in the middle of a dark tunnel at the moment, but you will come through the other side.

macdoodle Thu 23-Aug-07 17:20:24

I would bet he was't that perfect give yourself some time - just because you were depressed doesn't mean it was all your fault...you have a whole new life to move onto all those unknown exciting things to do and your DC to watch grow into beautiful adults beacuase you're their mum

allgonebellyup Thu 23-Aug-07 17:45:54

thank you , making me feel all teary again

Tinkerbel5 Thu 23-Aug-07 18:12:26

allgonebellyup you are only feeling like this cause you havnt met anyone else YET, when you do you wont look twice at your ex, ok so you was horrid to him and you asked him to leave, but if he was that fantastic he would have waited for you, he didnt he moved on which was entirely his own doing, dont be so hard on yourself as im sure there are other men out there who will treat you just as nice.

allgonebellyup Thu 23-Aug-07 18:24:07

thanks but i dont believe it.
i know i wont meet someone else because i cant let go of him in my head.
blokes do chase me but once they know i have kids they vanish.

curiouscat Thu 23-Aug-07 18:40:12

Just sorry to hear you're going through this and be kind to yourself, depression can take a long time to clear up.

allgonebellyup Thu 23-Aug-07 18:43:51

thanks.
not sure if i am depressed or just heartbroken. i have been depressed where i havent wanted to cry, just everything seemed grey and pointless.
but now i cant stop the crying!

Tinkerbel5 Fri 24-Aug-07 15:12:37

I think you are both, I know how it feels cause I have been there, I do think that you should stop blaming yourself, you lead the horse to the water but you didnt make him drink it, can you visit your G.P and talk to him or ask him to refer you to talk to someone sad

allgonebellyup Fri 24-Aug-07 20:05:29

its just so hard when i have to see him every weekend (when he picks up and drops off kids), how do i get around that?

KC1 Thu 30-Aug-07 12:27:15

Can you have a friend of yours come over and you leave the house so that you do not have to be there when he picks up and drops the kids off? That may be a solution till you get over this phase. And believe me, it is a phase....

maltesers Sun 02-Sep-07 00:30:09

i am a single mum and been single for just over a year and really want to meet someone. never been on own this long. its gettng me down . i know if i did meet i would stop thinkig bout my Ex so much. God where is Mr Rite ? I can really relate to you guys. !

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