Residency and phone contact

[motheroreily]

I've posted a couple of times before. We have 50/50 residency with our daughter. I agreed to this (and had some useful advice on here before about it).

My ex has always done little things to undermine me and make me feel like I am not needed. So I am not sure if I am being a bit sensitive. Things like telling our daughter he is taking her on holiday for her birthday and just booking it and then doing the same thing on her birthday the following year. Or turning up and collecting her from school when I am due to collect her an hour later from after school club. Or uninviting all my friend's children for her birthday party. This was all before our new agreement previously she was with me during the week and him most weekends.

Anyway, he bought her a phone. I have never taken the phone off but I admit I am not great at remembering to charge it (she is 7). Especially if we don't get home until 1730 then have dinner then are out to school at 0800 the next day. So if it's not charged he gets angry and messages me asking for it to be charged and saying I am stopping his only line of communication with his daughter. She isn't particularly interested in the phone. But if I say go and text Daddy she will.

However, he texts her multiple times everyday. His partner also texts everyday. I feel a bit like this is intruding on the time she is with me. Once he starts texting he doesn't stop. I also feel pressure to have the phone charged and remember to take it with us whenever we go out.

I feel this is a bit much. I don't do the same when she is with him. In fact last weekend her phone wasn't charged when she was with him. Would I be unreasonable to say I would prefer to have one scheduled call a week? We have a 2: 5: 5: 2 pattern so it is never more than 5 days we don't see each her. I don't feel the need to text and phone everyday.

Or am I just being oversensitive?

[Clangus00]

Nope, tell him that the phone will be on for half an hour in the evenings unless this is written into a court order.

[maternity123qwe]

I’d base it on the contact that you have with DD when she’s at her dads..... do you contact her the same / more / less? Then suggest that as standard. Seven is very young for a phone!

[motheroreily]

That's a good idea to have a set 30 mins it's on or something.

To be honest I don't really feel I need to text or call her alot when she is with her Dad. Maybe that's why I don't understand why he does it so much. Definately not if it is just a weekend or 2 nights in the week. Perhaps call once when she away for 5 days but even then I don't feel it is necessary.

I agree 7 is very young for a phone. I could sort of see his logic it meant he could call her directly without speaking to me. But it's just become another source of conflict. She isn't interested in the phone she never asks me to charge it. I have to do it and then remind her.

[carly2803]

7 is too young for a phone. He sounds controlling.

I would remove the phone/switch it of and just stick it in her bag for his contact

also i would absolutely stop saying "go text daddy".

[Anotheruser02]

My ds told me that Daddy was going to buy him a phone for his 7th birthday. I told him he was too young and children have phones when they are going out alone or walking home from school alone (so about 10 yrs old in our area). I told his dad that its a parental decision and if he wanted to undermine me (which he has form for) and buy a phone that the phone would live at his house like every other toy he buys ds, that I didn't want him to have the stress of being contactable and having the feeling he should respond to stuff as a small child. I think it makes their lives all about the person who's not there when they should throw themselves into what they are doing with the person they are with. I feel exactly the same about the idea of him texting or calling me when he could be having a nice time with his dad. There's a reason children are discouraged from taking phones on school residentials etc, because it makes their experience all about who's absent not who they are with. I agree he sounds controlling and insecure. You understand that your doughters time with her dad is not a threat to your relationship with her that's why you don't feel the need to harass her at her dads.

[ghostfromholidaypast]

A judge or court order who only agree for a dc as Young as 7 to have a phone for calls. To encourage texting at such a young age is ridiculous.
So I would explain that if they choose to buy a phone without consent it stays at theirs, which is kinda pointless.
Or that a phone call can be had once every other day. To be honest this is usually only an option because the parent can't contact each other in their phones without arguments.