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Tell me to bugger off if you want I have a dp and 3 under 3 but a lone parent life.

(14 Posts)

Not entitled to be in this topic as I do have a dp but he leaves for work before my 3 boys (nearly 3, nearly 2 and 5 months) wake up and he comes home after they are asleep or has to stay out like tonight.

At weekends he makes himself scarce, out in the garden or in the office doing paperwork.

On the surface 2 parents 3 kids but am increasingly realising it's all down to me and I'll be honest it scares me.

CamperShoes Fri 17-Aug-07 20:55:22

He may come into his own as your boys get older. Have you tried the dumping-child/children-and-making-a-sharp-exit technique? Is he supportive in other ways? Have you any other support? What was FIL like as a parent? Well, so far, all I've done is barrage you with questions.

It is horrid to feel scared. Little ones are so all consuming but they grow really quickly and life eases, changes and from looking at other people's marriages, they often come out the other side intact.

Do you have any plans to look forward to - a night out, a day away, a holiday, a special meal, a pedicure (one of my favourites - ), a quick visit to Amazon? More seriously, can you and your DH sit down and talk about what is happening?

No support only have my mum and sister both live very far away and have their own problems.

Tried talking after last weekend potty training catastrophe full details can be read in Potty training section thread called Potty training my nightmare.

He didn't have a FIL his dad dumped his mum before he was born, stepdad used to discipline him with a belt from age of around 6 so he isn't big on discipline at all which leaves me being chief of police.

Funnily enough weekends are usually hardest as me and boys have a routine and understanding during the week, goes to pot at weekend and so I spend weekend policing and he thinks I am a harsh cow.

zookeeper Fri 17-Aug-07 21:03:28

I think sometimes it can be lonelier to be in a relationship that is not going well than to be a single parent.

nightowl Fri 17-Aug-07 21:04:10

you might get a better response posting this in relationships tbh, lone parents is slow at the best of times!

That's ok nightowl, I suppose I just wanted to say the words out loud to someone.

nightowl Fri 17-Aug-07 21:09:04

sorry you're feeling so rubbish, i was very lonely in my relationship before i was a lone parent. it wasnt as exhausting physically as it is now, but emotionally much worse.

Othersideofthechannel Fri 17-Aug-07 21:11:28

I saw your potty training thread. I'm sorry you feel so alone. My DH is sometimes away all week on business and often working late so he doesn't see the kids - cue physical exhaustion - but I get invaluable psychological support in the evenings. Even if he doesn't feel like listening to my day, I can still go on about it to him!
I am the tough cop in our house and I know what you mean about it being harder at weekends. DH would rather have fun with the kids than discipline them and I take advantage of when he is having fun with them to get on with other stuff, so end up doing a lot more policing than anything else on some weekends. But at least DH appreciates that someone has to.

Have you tried to have a chat about parenting when you aren't het up? Straight after the potty training nightmare can't have been an ideal time for either of you?

winnie Fri 17-Aug-07 21:11:49

JJAE, I am a single parent and in my professional role I meet lots of parents and it is a sad fact of life that many of the women I meet who are in relationships may as well be single parents (often with an extra big kid )

You haven't asked for advice but imho you need to think long and hard about your relationship if you truly do feel like "it's all down to" you. I am not advocating a knee jerk separation or the like but you do need to understand in your own mind what you are prepared to accept and if you are not prepared to accept certain behaviour what you can do to try to resolve issues.

Good luck

Othersideofthechannel Fri 17-Aug-07 21:16:57

Do you know how he is feeling? He isn't very involved with the kids at the weekend. Does he feel tired after his long work week and just wants time alone to relax? Sometimes DH feels this way. We usually try to give each other a couple of hours off each weekend. Everyone needs their own space.

Disclaimer : SAHM work just as hard and have just as much a right to relax

CamperShoes Fri 17-Aug-07 21:33:53

Could you split the weekend - let/make DH sort everything out Saturday, including some household stuff and you be in charge Sunday? And say, every other or third weekend have a family day?

The other obvious point is how about counselling? A healthy relationship can take some strain but it should never be all down to one person, all of the time. No wonder you feel bad .

As for the kids, has your DH ever watched any of those programmes on child behaviour/management? Or if he is a reader, how about a book on positive parenting or the like?

Othersideofthechannel Sun 19-Aug-07 06:54:49

How's your weekend going JJAE?

gringottsgoblin Sun 19-Aug-07 07:11:55

you can be lonely with me jje

i have 4, dh is great with ds3 (his ds1) but the other 3 are all mine. im not in quite as a bad a position as you, he puts ds3 to bed but thats it, half an hour in the evening but as little as possible as weekends. we have a row every weekend (looooong thread this weekend over a baby puree incident). thing is i know it will get better as the kids get older so i sometimes feel its worth standing up and shouting and others i am just too tired and cling to that hope. i was a single parent for a couple of years and i actually had more time to myself as the older kids spent every other weekend at their dads and people used to help out cos they knew i was on my own. now i have almost no dad help and babysitters are few and far between cos they know i have dh so am not on my own

just wanted to offer a bit of support and say i know how you feel

turquoisenights Sun 19-Aug-07 08:25:36

sorry that it is so hard for you.
i know the feeling.
my idea is: some dads dont know how to handle the children-especially when they are so young, so they can be shy, scared.
maybe with a bit of soft approach and assistance he can start to be more with them and enjoy it.
best wishes.

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