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Custody?

28 replies

lovingmummylife · 19/03/2019 10:31

Ok so my ex is saying he's going to go for full custody of our 4 month old son. Long story short we split before I knew I was pregnant he had nothing to do with me until baby was born and now acts like he's father of the year!
He doesn't work his flat is a mess and he excessively games on his xbox. I have seen him get annoyed with his other 2 children if they interrupt his gaming.

I haven't stopped him seeing baby but today I did say no because his daughter is poorly and I didn't want baby getting poorly.
Am I being unreasonable?

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Thesnobbymiddleclassone · 19/03/2019 10:33

No you're not and tbh he sounds like the type of person who threatens to go for full custody but never sees it through. You were also right to say no to contact if his daughter has been ill as baby could catch anything.

Just enjoy your baby.

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lovingmummylife · 19/03/2019 11:28

Thank you. I didn't think I was being unreasonable

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thefirst48 · 19/03/2019 13:05

He won't get full custody unless there was safeguarding issues which there clearly isn't. The most he could get is 50/50 but I personally think it's an empty threat let him try and take you to court.

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lovingmummylife · 19/03/2019 13:08

He won't cause he can't afford it. Am I right in believing legal aid doesn't exist anymore?

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safeea · 19/03/2019 14:13

Legal aid is only for cases of domestic abuse in family courts, I believe.

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Adam3322 · 19/03/2019 14:17

100% the only way he will get custody if there are safeguarding issues or if there are risks of harm to little one etc, they usually support the mother and even 50/50 is a job to get for fathers nowadays especially if little one is settled and doing well etc.

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lovingmummylife · 19/03/2019 14:22

Oh good. No definitely no safeguarding issues from my side. Thank you for the advice :) x

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Adam3322 · 19/03/2019 14:28

thats all good then, you havnt done any wrong in regard to not letting him see little one because his daughter was unwell. i doubt he will go that far anyway, could just be a ploy for you to give him what he wants etc, plus court isnt cheap. hope all sorts itself out :)

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Mummaaon · 19/03/2019 20:15

Sounds like he is just saying that to hurt you, I'm sure unless the baby is at risk in your care he won't get full custody that's just crazy.
Why do these ex's have such hatred for us (mine too!) especially since we are the mother of their babies! Really upsets me

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lovingmummylife · 19/03/2019 20:45

I know?! He didn't even want me to keep the baby when I told him I was pregnant but I was told by doctors it was highly unlikely I'd get pregnant so there was no way I'd do that

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Doyoumind · 19/03/2019 20:53

He won't be granted residence. He wouldn't even get 50:50 with a baby that age and would be unlikely to get overnights unless you have already established that as part of the contact arrangements. However, it only costs £215 to go to court and represent himself. It sounds unlikely he would do this though.

You need to agree a schedule with him that you both stick to unless, as happened, there is a problem such as illness.

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lovingmummylife · 19/03/2019 21:30

He can't afford to go to court. I've never stopped him seeing his son if anything I've been too nice. But I agree it needs to be done more scheduled an routine

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goldengummybear · 19/03/2019 21:36

Don't worry. It's a bullshit reply by an abusive dick.

Yanbu. Hope you are getting maintenance (at least from CMS)?

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lovingmummylife · 19/03/2019 22:32

No he's not given me anything since baby has arrived I think I will go through child maintenance for that

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Mummaaon · 20/03/2019 08:38

My ex also hadn't given me a penny - he wants 50/50 of the baby but get this - he also wants me to put 500k into a JOINT account to cover her education throughout 😂

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lovingmummylife · 20/03/2019 09:20

Omg! Why do they think they have 50:50 rights when they don't contribute at all

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Doyoumind · 20/03/2019 09:50

What's paid in maintenance and contact arrangements are completely unrelated though. Yes, the more they have the children, the less the CMS says they owe, but a court only deals with contact and will reward it even if they don't pay a penny.

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Doyoumind · 20/03/2019 09:51

*Award it

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Mum56347 · 31/03/2019 19:57

" 100 % the only way he will get custody if there are safeguarding issues or if there are risks of harm to little one etc, they usually support the mother and even 50/50 is a job to get for fathers nowadays especially if little one is settled and doing well etc. "

Why do they usually support the mother?

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Mum56347 · 31/03/2019 20:08

" Sounds like he is just saying that to hurt you, I'm sure unless the baby is at risk in your care he won't get full custody that's just crazy.
Why do these ex's have such hatred for us (mine too!) especially since we are the mother of their babies! Really upsets me. "


Hatred? Do you think fathers seek custody because they hate women, Mummaoon?

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Starlight456 · 31/03/2019 20:15

At 4 months old unlikely to get overnights never mind custody. Is he likely to even spend £200 to apply to the court?

Cms will cost you £20 to set up if in benefits he will be expecting to pay £7 a week but that could be divided by the other children if he pays maintenance to them .

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Mummaaon · 31/03/2019 20:39

@Starlight456 and what do you suspect an 10 month old baby get custody wise?

@Mum56347 no not all men hate women. I think my ex is just using this now like a game and has to win this battle, plus he knows more he gets ill have to pay financially, this is a baby not a puppy dog or a business deal. Primary care should 100% be with mum and until men can give birth that should remain the way. BUT I'm a huge believer a child has a right to their father x

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Starlight456 · 31/03/2019 21:41

As I am a solicitor I don’t know . None of it is clear cut is it . At 10 months more likely to be weaned , depends has dad lived with baby , had any contact at all? Is baby bf? Are there any safeguarding concerns either sides

None of this is written in tablets of stone many abisive ex’s get unsupervised access.

My ex when he took me to court for access to my 3 year old Cafcass recommenced no contact.

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SlightlyMisplacedSingleDad · 01/04/2019 09:34

He wont get sole custody, given that there are no safeguarding issues.

I do think you were unreasonable in preventing contact because his other child was ill. Kids are around ill siblings all the time in any family, including those where the parents aren't separated. It doesn't render him unable to look after the baby. Their relationship is important - an unwell sibling is not a good enough reason to prevent contact.

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CanILeavenowplease · 03/04/2019 13:50

Hatred? Do you think fathers seek custody because they hate women

In some situations, father's seek custody as a means of controlling and hurting their ex partners, not because they particularly want their children full time or believe that their children are in some way at risk in their mother's care. To pretend otherwise ignores the very real experiences of thousands of women a year who are forced through the court system when contact has never been denied, reduced or in any way threatened. Of course, women also are capable of controlling, hurtful behaviour and seek to withdraw the other parent's access to their joint children. It can - and does - work both ways.

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