Has anyone attended the SPIP and found the CAFCASS produced video problematic/stereotypical?

[beingniceiscool11]

I attended a SPIP (Separated Parents Information Programme) in the summer during being in the family court process with my ex partner. Along with others on the course, I found this video that we were shown, that was produced by CAFCASS very stereotypical against Mothers and not showing a balanced view of the pitfalls that both parents can fall into following a separation. I am in the process of complaining to CAFCASS about this and will take it to my MP if they ignore my concerns.
I felt it viewed like a propaganda video showing single mothers/separated mother's in a certain light which was massively stereotyped. I think if this video was shown in the public forum, many people would find it problematic and I dread to think what would happen if a similar video was shown to people who were on a course that was say designed to help them be more accepting of people in different cultures, yet depicted all the negative stereotypes of people of colour for example.

I am concerned by the way single mothers and women are being represented in this video which is shown nationwide and shown to people who are in the middle of a high conflict and high stress court process - where the SPIP is supposed to be designed to minimise conflict and animosity between ex partners for the benefit of the children, but it was my opinion that this video only served to further perhaps confirm or inform paranoia and prejudice against single mothers or separated Mothers which perhaps is what had sent someone into a court battle in the first place. I am meaning to say that I don't think it would help people to change their behaviour to a more peaceful attitude towards their ex partner's for their children's sake but would serve to do the opposite and perhaps further inflame the situation.

the video was showing - in each scenario, of which I think there were 3 - a stereotypical view of Mothers - that they were putting down the Children's Father in front of the kids, and acting anxious and paranoid whilst the Dad's were represented as victims of this and purely cast in the role of being fun, & well meaning whilst the women were causing all the problems by being angry and bitter.
A number of the participants were shocked by this video including myself and whilst the person who was running the course said there had never been this response before - she also said this was the only course that was actually predominantly women in the room, and I got the feeling perhaps the only time someone had felt brave enough to address out loud what they had been thinking/feeling about the video whilst watching it. As soon as I voiced my concerns, lots of other people in the course said that was exactly what they had been thinking but hadn't wanted to say it out loud in front of the group. Given the fact a lot of the participants of the SPIP said they felt very nervous about sharing in front of the group, and many were visibly upset to be so raw and vulnerable in front of a group of strangers, I can imagine that across the country, when seeing this video, people probably wouldn't feel the confidence to complain at the time.

Let me know if you have attended a SPIP and what your experience was if you can remember this video that was shown. The scenarios involved actors portraying certain scenarios - one showed a Mother dropping her 2 kids off anxiously at a contact centre to see their Dad, initially being positive to the kids, then after the kids hesitated that they weren't sure they wanted to go in the Mother started being portrayed as overly anxious and "crazy" wringing her hands at the door saying in front of the kids to the Contact centre worker "Will he even know how to look after them? Will they be ok? What will happen?" then the kids being absolutely fine as soon as they got in the Contact Centre, the Contact centre worker being "interviewed" to camera saying "I've never so many times seen kids go from nervous outside to so happy inside" as they kids run up to their Dad and the Dad is emotionally embracing them and being super fun, giving them presents etc. Another scenario showed newly separated parents both generally being awkward whilst doing a birthday party together for one of their kids - the Mum was portrayed rolling her eyes & making negative comments about the Dad constantly in front of the kids whilst the Dad was portrayed as just trying to help and be fun and positive and then complaining in an "interview" to camera afterwards that she always had a go at him and "had a face on her".

Those were the 2 scenarios that I remembered.

Interested to hear other people's views who have attended a SPIP.

[BumbleBeef30]

Yes, I remember them. They were designed to make women doubt their instincts. It was noticeable in my group that all the men were nodding and agreeing and condemning the mothers while all the women sat silently.

[tictac86]

If got to go on this course. I'm taking a book and head phones. But I shall speak up about the video and complain too if i feel it is this bad

[Doesabear]

I used to facilitate this course and agree the film isn't great (although it's much better than the one we had to use before). A good trainer should listen to participants' concerns and allow some discussion/undertake to feed back, but bring it back to the damaging effects of parental conflict on children. Tictac, a book and headphones may be tempting but if you use them you will likely be asked to leave. Normally the trainers only record whether or people attend, but if someone refuses to engage it gets fed back to cafcass and could go against you in court.

[Sarah8410]

I've heard terrible things about Cafcas

[Parent999]

Whilst good fathers have to suffer due to some fathers not raising their kids, I’m afraid good mothers also have to endure the stereotypes of the bad mothers too. None of it’s fair. With an impending court battle I’d think a video is the least of your worries.

[Jayzcee123]

I have to go on this course this month and I'm dreading it, it seems somewhat pointless for me. We aren't 'separating', that's well and truly done. We're only in this situation because he talks down about me to our child and makes everything so difficult, hence I went down the court route. Regardless of how he treats/treated me I would never speak badly of him, and I am not looking forward to having to listen to someone telling me I shouldn't.
What I want to know is, what happens if he does not go? The judge has ordered we both attend and I am assuming he won't bother, yet in my opinion it is he that needs to

[Hullabalooo]

I had to do this course recently along with a room of men who said things like "my ex is in a women's refuge but she's a fucking liar ". It was unbearably grim.

As someone who's been dragged through family court by an abusive ex to have to watch videos like this and sit through platitudes about getting along with you've been through hell, really clueless about the fact that so many men now use family court as a form of abuse and that if you've left the relationship,.it was because it was completely untenable due to abuse and not because you just didn't get on.

In court later the magistrate talked about what an amazing course it is. In my experience it was crushing and humiliating and didn't address any of mine and thousands of women's experiences of domestic abuse and coercive control.

A waste of time and money and it felt like a box ticking exercise.

[JoJo2106]

I went on this course a few months ago and I felt exactly the same about the video. It definitely showed the men as victims and it was always the women that caused the problems. Not balanced in any way. Nobody said anything but I looked around at people and could see by their faces what they thought.

Unfortunately I had a horrible Cafcass officer too. She visited my ex first and was over an hour late coming to me as she stayed so long with him so that cut my appointment down as it was a late ish appointment. He had completely went to work on her and she was taken in by him completely. She basically walked in my house and had already made her mind up before she walked in the door. Whenever I tried to bring up concerns (bearing in mind he had no contact and hadn't for 8 months at that stage on courts say so) she totally shut me down and just stuck up for him. Wouldn't listen to a word and really just didn't let me speak. She was horrendous. Honestly think I could have said my ex was a sex offender she would not have cared.

Needless to say her attitude tied in with that SPIP video, she had him as the victim and me the mother causing the problems.

Not a good experience at all.

[Parent999]

@hullabalooo
Well thats the spirit, please remember its about getting it right for the children. Not getting it right for women. [or men]

[Hullabalooo]

@parent999 its not getting it right for children if there's no acknowledgment of the inequities in place in relationships which lead to domestic abuse. This has an absolutely massive impact on children and pretending that we can all just talk it through and be civil when children are witnessing that abuse from a father is not realistic, or helpful.

[Parent999]

@hullabalooo
There is plenty of support on how to address abuse from women and men. There was no legal aid when I was abused, because Im a man. But even I know its not the SPIP's responsibility to address this inequality. Its there to advise and assist with co-parenting and putting the children first and your own emotions aside. Well thats how I saw it.

[Hullabalooo]

Of course you're a man. I should have guessed!

[Hullabalooo]

I didn't get legal aid either and have just bankrupted myself dealing with abusive ex through court action that he set up

[WhatwouldCarolDo]

I’ve just done this course the video is exactly the same ! Made me feel sick to the stomach yet another piece of degrading “justice” served up by the family courts . When will they start listening to the Domestic Abuse Commissioner and reacting appropriately to address the blatant sexism they peddle which puts women and children at risk! Sickening.

[Soopermum1]

I went on the SPIP course and while the videos were not very useful, the trainer was good and it was good for me and my fellow participants to hear different points of view. When I spoke about my difficulties the men on the course were generally supportive so I hope they maybe saw things from the woman's perspective a bit more after that. The videos seemed to aim for balance and I think the course is geared up for parents in disagreement, not in an abusive setting, so there should have been some acknowledgment of that, that the advice given doesn't always fit, but the course leader did acknowledge it was guidance and things to think about, if any of what was being said applied.

[Resisterance]

That film made me boil with rage when I went on it. I attended the course with a load of angry men and about 3 women. I did speak up as I was so furious and said how most women in the court process including myself were or had experienced some form of domestic abuse and the film was patronising and non reflective of this common issue and in fact was a way of gas lighting women trying to protect children from post separation abuse.

I then ate my lunch in the car and got through the pointless training that I had to pay for childcare for.

Total waste of time.

[Countdownis35]

@Parent999

Whilst good fathers have to suffer due to some fathers not raising their kids, I’m afraid good mothers also have to endure the stereotypes of the bad mothers too. None of it’s fair. With an impending court battle I’d think a video is the least of your worries.

I have to agree with this tbh. I watched the latest SPIP.

My thoughts were that I think during the court hearing tensions can arise on both parts and I would 9f proffered to attend the SPIP BEFORE my hearing.

I also think the judge should make it compulsory where there's no abuse that both parties try mediation.. one party shouldn't be allowed to decline based upon they don't feel like attending.

[Lachimolala]

I did SPIP about two weeks ago, I went in with a completely open mind hoping I could learn some skills on how to communicate with an abusive ex who enjoys his mind games.

But like you I just found it all incredibly cliche in the worst way and that it portrayed mums/women in such a bizarre negative light, it was like it was advocating for mums to ignore all instincts and logic?

I was the only woman in my group so I didn’t dare say anything, and put it this way based on the behaviour and what was coming out of those dads mouths, if I was in a physical room with them and not Microsoft teams I would’ve been terrified. Every single one of them hated women.

[Snoopywoodstock]

I went on this course afew days ago it was horrible.I was on with lots of Dads complaining about women saying it's all fixed there all for the Mums generally bashing Mums .I actually had my first panic attack whilst on the course and felt ill listening to them all.My ex is an alcoholic and it has been proven by tests He was verbally abusive to me so being put on a course will all men complaining was really upsetting.The videos I saw are so biased against Mums and show them in a bad light and the Dad as Mr nice guy.I was really offended by the videos . Really was a bad experience something needs to be done this should give a 50 /50 fair content and women who have suffered abuse should not be put on alone with lots of men

[Snoopywoodstock]

What can I do to complain about this course

[Jayzcee123]

I would suggest you need to complain to CAFCASS in the first instance, but I had reason to complain to them about quite significant down fallings and their response was pathetic, basically accused me of lying even though it was proven I couldn't be... so I don't rate their processes.

I think the court system needs to have a look at CAFCASS as a whole. Both my experiences of them have been pretty bad and very pointless but I've kept quiet because in the end the court ruled as they should for my child and I didn't need more stress on top... but they are very, very low down in my opinion.

[Fantina]

How does the court know you’ve attended this course? Do you have to produce proof?

[Jayzcee123]

Cafcass report back and confirm you've done it. My ex never did though and nothing came of it

[Fantina]

Another waste of my time when I’m not the abusive parent.

[Jayzcee123]

Exactly that. Although I did take one thing away from it so I suppose all was not lost. And that is 'if it won't matter in a year, let it go' - I don't do it all the time but it does stop me getting as wound up with the things he does or doesn't do at times