While in his care they eat lots of sweets, play PlayStation, do expensive fun activities and rarely have to clean up after themselves.
When at home we go to parks, play board games, eat healthily on the whole and all have to chip in with keeping the house clean.
This is resulting in behaviour issues at home where I am mean and daddy is the only nice one.
I am finding myself unable to enact proper consequences for bad behaviour. E.g. ask them to give me their money (about £2 each) to pay towards a replacement for the expensive thing they've stupidly broken and it doesn't matter because they have plenty more money at their dad's. It's less than he usually gives them for sweets...
No screen time? There's always PlayStation at daddy's house.
Unlikely to now be able to go on holiday because the things they have broken really are that expensive? It's ok daddy is taking them on holiday anyway.
Not taking them out for lunch now? It's ok daddy always takes them out to eat...
How do I deal with this?? I'm so tired lately I'm just reacting a lot of the time instead of biting my tongue and being mature which clearly doesn't help.
Please give me some wisdom
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zozozoo · 05/09/2018 13:08
My DC's dad does this. He pays shag all in maintenance and could never be bothered until I left him and now he's Disney dad.
You can't control what he does with them in his time. The only advice I can give is stay the course, you are teaching them life skills, and consistency.
I feel your pain and frustration, I could have written that post myself. It's the attitude when they come home, for about 24 hours they can be horrible and nasty constantly arguing. it passes, we get back into the routine, but the eldest especially is responding with "I don't care cause my dad does x,y,z" or "my dad's so cool and you're mean, he let's me do whatever I want". It's exhausting actually parenting which is why mine (and yours) don't bother. Anything for a quiet life and all that.
for you x
Unfortunately you can't control what he does with them. If you have a good relationship with him for the sake of the kids maybe speak to him about the sweets and junk food. When they're older they'll understand that you making them eat healthy and making sure the behave and take responsibility was in their best interest. 
We don't have a good relationship unfortunately @septembeemummy which is why I'd like to find a way to deal with things that doesn't involve needing him to cooperate.
for you too @boysmomma. It's good that you have time to get back into a routine at least
They probably give him grief too op if it makes you feel any better! I would imagine life isn't actually all roses at their dads. However, being kids and being shrewd they have realised the have another weapon in their arsenal ans now another stick to beat you with!
The will have noticed this pushes your buttons so will play on it.
Tell them it's hurtful when the say these things and how would they feel if you kept telling them you liked their friends more than them. Ask them what they would feel like if you kept saying ' I wish Chloe was m daughter and not you, Chloe is always polite and kind and helpful, and she's really good at everything and never rude, I bet it would be lovely to have * Chloe as a daughter inatead'. tell them it's unkind and makes you feel sad.
Then as a pp said take it with a pinch of salt.
Or call theee bluff and ask them if the would like to live with there dad and see You less . I bet their arses fall out!
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