Hi my ex left me and my 2 boys about 6 years ago and moved back over to ireland. My eldest was 5 and youngest just about to turn 3. I have tried so hard over the years to get him to keep in contact with the boys but he always let's them down and always seemed more interested in talking to me or about himself than asking if his boys are ok or what thry have been upto. Anyway he hasn't bothered with my boys now for about 2 or 3 years and my eldest now 11 wants nothing to do with him but my 9 year old still keeps asking will daddy ever call us again which is heart breaking. Anyway my question is should I keep pushing their dad to keep in contact to then just let then down or should I just leave it and be here for when/if he decides to grow up and be apart of their lives himself?? I feel like which ever I do has it's downsides and I can't decide please help me 😔 x
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Hi, I understand how this feels and it's awful. My daughters were the same age when their dad left and although we have a court order in place there was a time when we didn't and they had no contact because of how he was living and acting. He then took me to court to resolve it. So whilst mine do have contact, this contact has been detrimental in many ways and they'd relationship is fragile and not based on anything good. Both girls had another period of not wanting to see him that ended again with court and they have been forced into contact. They are better now and enjoying their time with him but it's full of issues. I think if I had had the choice to let it go then I would. I don't know how you contact him but I would email if no solicitor involvement and ask what contact he would like to have and say you will do your best to facilitate it. That way you have a written record of the fact you have tried your best to facilitate contact and he isn't interested. Then when your boys ask you know you did what you could and can show if need be that you are in no way to blame for the lack of contact.
My son from a different relationship is 3. His dad has seen him once about 20 months ago. I emailed him to ask what contact he would like but he never replied. I found out I was pregnant a week after we split up so that's different to your situation there but the contact issue is similar. I've learnt to just let it go and will deal with all my so s questions when he gets older honesty.
You can only do your best to comfort and support your boys through this and hope that their dad takes you up on your offer and sticks to the arrangement. If he doesn't stick to it then he's made his choice. Just make sure you're getting maintenance for them as that's important. Hope that makes sense, am tired tonight and might not be too coherent! 
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