Lone parent, single child....

[unicornsdream]

Ok so im new to being a lone parent. After 11 years, (5 of which my husband has been periodically threatening me with divorce, major input from his parents who can only be described as textbook narcissistic inlaws and me begging him to stay because i believed i couldnt be without him despite having my own career and content alone when hes been away with work) i finally had enough of being controlled and gave him what he wanted- the divorce papers. This was not an easy decision but i have always been more than supportive of his demanding work, health issues.... anything he puts his mind too. His job takes us all over the country with relocating and i have always gone... yet when i was pregnant and gave birth to our child i realised it was one sided and the support to me was non existant and the bonding between father and child is still not there despite me actively encouraging it. Needless to say i just had enough. Now my only regret seems to be that i adore my child more than life itself, i just wish i could have given them a sibling. When pregnant i was not allowed to enjoy it due to his jealousy that i was carrying a child, i kept it quiet from all except close family and work colleagues, my child was a difficult baby with acid reflux and never settled so i never had the 'content' baby but i would still relive every moment... i loved every minute including the severe sleep deprivation for 18 months and loved giving birth (mad i know). I just have this feeling of regret that my little one may be an only child and need help coming to terms with this. I must add my child was a very long time in the planning 5 years of trying before i had my good luck so i know im very blessed and know how lucky my child will be to have my undivided attention. Just need tips on how to get rid of the niggling 'if only...' in my head. Any advice to help lay this to rest??

[helpconfused]

I have this week separated from my partner. I have to move house too and his family are siding with him (fine).
I only have one child but that's all I wanted, no more.
Concentrate on the two of you. It's a new life and might really be all you need x

[Kingsclerelass]

The same here. I've been alone with my ds for 3 yrs and life is good. We are happy and settled and my self confidence is coming back.
I was mid forties when I had ds so no chance of a sibling but I make sure he spends lots of time with other children. And he gets time with me.

But perhaps you are younger and have time to develop a new relationship. If not, I honestly wouldn't worry. Just concentrate on building a happy life for the two of you.

[Montyrage]

I am a decade down the line from this with a fifteen year old only child.
I ended up not being able to have anymore for medical reasons and am a single parent still.
Honestly there have been loads of times when I have done stuff with my child which I couldn't have done if I had had more than one and despite being on a low working income financially they haven't missed out because of it.

[Everywhereilookaround]

Try to focus on the positives for you and your child. You will be happier, it's hard now, but you will be happier not being controlled, and your child will benefit from that. You have much more time for your child. You can do things so much easier with just one child. Don't call yourself a single parent with one child, you are a family. All families are different. Celebrate your family. Go out for family days out. Have family film nights. You can make it whatever you want it to be now. All your child needs is love and security. Sounds to me like you are already doing that and a great job. Keep smiling, and enjoy your new life. Not many of us planned to be alone with kids, but it's an amazing thing once you get through the first tough times. X

[PenelopeChipShop]

It is sad that you wanted more, I do get that, but honestly there are upsides to your situation if you look. I’m a single parent of two and although i’m saying for a second that I would be without my youngest, there are days where it is so, so draining. I mean emotionally. I feel pulled in two different directions, they need different things simultaneously which I sometimes simply cannot provide in the same moment, and I spend so much time feeling that I just can’t be the parent I want to be to either of them.

If the 5yo needs me to hear him read, the 1yo tantrums or climbs all over us. If I follow the 1yo up stairs, the older one wants me to play and stop ignoring him. If I stay with one of them for bed time, the other cries. And there is never anyone else there to pick up the slack - I just feel spread too thin. If I only had one to worry about I’m not saying it would be a walk in the park but I would at least feel I could focus my energy on them! Try to appreciate what you do have which is that one to one time and energy x