CMS Tribunal next week - really worried and would love some advice/reassurance

[PaperPumpkin]

Hello, my first post on mumsnet - a colleague suggested you might have some helpful advice..really hope so!

So briefly, I've had 4 years of struggling with the CMS and a "non compliant" ex. After a default maintenance decision about 4 years ago I was told repeatedly by CMS about 2 years ago that he owes between £13 000 and £8000 (the amount changes in each letter) for our 3 children. Then this changed to I owe him £1000. I'm not sure what the calculation is now. They say it's been one of their most complex cases, it's been with their legal team and now "expert" teams several times, my ex has put in several complaints and I have put in 2 as well. When they did their final response about 2 years ago they advised that they couldn't look further into his self employed income etc and suggested the way to do this would be via a Tribunal, which would have more powers. So I asked for one and 2 years later, after many more recalculations and "problems" that they can't give me details about, the Tribunal is next week.

I'm really worried about it as, while I'm not incapable (!) I simply can't understand all their calculations - don't even know what they are actually (they just send you a computer generated letter that refers to changing "previous decisions", but there have been so many previous decisions you don't know which one they're referring to!). And I don't even know what their current calculation of arrears is.

So I'm going into this very unprepared. As it happens we've also been in court this month as my ex is wanting contact with his nearly 16 year old children - you don't need detail, but it's been an incredibly stressful time. I've not given the Tribunal too much thought (though I feel sick every time it pops into my mind), and have been expecting just to turn up and they will have looked through what must be mountains of paperwork and come to an objective opinion. I don't plan to dispute whatever this is, as I'm just putting my trust in them making sense of it.

However after speaking with a colleague who knows a little about these things, he's worried me that the tribunals can be very unpleasant, and suggested I shouldn't go alone. I've not got a lawyer for this (I did approach one ages ago and his fees would have eaten up everything!). I have a lawyer for the contact court thing, and it's great just to sit there and say nothing while she acts on my behalf. I struggle to be in a room with my ex, and the thought of having to argue my case when I'm not a trained CMS expert is frightening, especially in front of my ex. I should say I'm usually quite articulate, I'm in a professional, responsible job - I'm just worried I become a jelly in this situation - I'm quite out of my depth.

So basically, should I go, or should I just let the whole thing drop? (I feel such relief at he thought of just making it go away). If I go, can anyone give me an idea of what will happen, and any suggestons? Should I phone CMS to see what their latest calculation is (as this might give me an idea of the direction we're heading)? I guess they see lots of people who aren't massively prepared, but my ex will have spreadsheets and ring binders & who knows what else. He's also been raising unpleasant personal allegations about me in his paperwork - they're untrue, irrelevant and nasty to read, and I don't want to see these again. Am I putting myself into an lions den, and even if they find he does owe arrears, will I ever get it? A few thousand pounds (if that's what it is) would be amazing, but I'd actually give that up not to have this stress.

Sorry for such an offload - I just feel so on my own with all of this. Has anyone else been in this situation, and can any one offer any advice? Thanks.

[Starlight2345]

Could you look at McKenzie friends..I think it is called..They offer something that costs much less.

I would definitely go though. You really have nothing to lose here at the money could make a difference to your child....Good luck

[PaperPumpkin]

I'm also wondering if the case is likely to be resolved once and for all at that first Tribunal, or do they tend to drag on like court proceedings?

[kittensinmydinner1]

Op, I would ask this to be moved to the 'legal board'. Where there is more traffic and a LOT of really knowledgeable people including family lawyers and Barristers.
From my point of view, yes absolutely you should go. Don't give in to bullies. The money will make a difference to your children and you will be cross with yourself for letting him intimidate you.