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Relocated & lonely 😭

(10 Posts)
MommatoEth Wed 22-Mar-17 17:01:54

Last year myself, DH & DS relocated down south due to jobs. I absolutely love where we live, but I am so lonely. My DH works Monday - Friday, and I work Friday-Sunday, I don't know anyone and have no friends here, during the week I find myself crying most days. DS attends a private school and although his schooling is paid by ourselves (lum sum of money from when my DD past) we aren't rich, so many of the parents look down their nose at us. I miss my friends from university, and back home but there all traveling or settling down themselves. We are in Staffordshire, is anyone from here?

OP’s posts: |
Blossomdeary Wed 22-Mar-17 17:14:10

I am sorry to hear that this transition is so tough for you.

I also glean from your post that you lost a DD - that is very sad indeed. I am so sorry to hear that. Maybe the move has triggered this sadness to re-emerge - sometimes you can tick along with grief, keeping it just manageable, in familiar surroundings and with familiar routines and people around you. Moving is always a challenge and maybe requires more energy than you can muster at the moment.

I remember going to uni many moons ago and all the students from private schools seemed frighteningly confident, but when I got to know them they were much like me when you scratched the surface, so please do not let these apparently snooty parents get under your skin.

Parents in a new area often make their new social contacts via their children's schools, and that does not seem a possibility for you as yet. Do you have any interests that might open up friendships, when you are feeling stronger?

I am not entirely familiar with Mumsnet, but there may be a local Mumsnet that might be of help to you - I do hope that you find what you need. flowers

lampshady Wed 22-Mar-17 17:18:17

You might have more luck posting in somewhere busier than Lone Parents, or try the local boards.

Can you change your work to weekday work so you have family time at the weekend?

If you're mostly free during the week try volunteering or taking up a hobby to meet people.

MollyHuaCha Wed 22-Mar-17 17:27:44

Whereabouts in Staffordshire are you?

MommatoEth Wed 22-Mar-17 18:06:02

I miss my DD everyday. He never got to meet my DS so using the inheritance towards his schooling makes me wish even more he was here to see him at school, and see how well he was doing, he was alway proud of me even when I miss fail at things.

Working during the week wasn't possible for us due to childcare, I work 16 hour shifts and unable to find a childminder that would accommodate the hours we needed (some shifts are 5am starts and 11pm finishes)

Volunteering sounds fab, I used to volunteer when at university so plenty of experience. During the week I do find myself doing plenty of things like going to the gym and swimming but never made any friends.. I guess when I'm dripping in sweat and smell like a rat no one wants to talk lol.

I'm in Tamworth. X

OP’s posts: |
KarmaNoMore Fri 24-Mar-17 01:37:11

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MommatoEth Fri 24-Mar-17 09:00:45

I speak to lots of the parents when waiting to collect our children, or in the morning. We've tried areange play dates for the children as these a group of 5 of them including my son who are inseparable. Most of them work during the week, so it's only in the school holidays we manage to make plans. I think I just find it hard been away from friends and family.

OP’s posts: |
KarmaNoMore Fri 24-Mar-17 17:18:43

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SlB09 Fri 24-Mar-17 17:35:21

Oh how I feel your pain! This was me almost ten years ago, I was chronically lonely in a new city, knew not a sole and would long for that meaningful contact with friends! Heres what I found helped

- phonecalls to really good friend/friends. Let of steam and be honest about your loneliness
- be where people are, shopping, town centres etc
- taster sessions at craft classes or study courses, I am very shy so found this easier than launching myself into a meetup group as it forced interaction.
- accept that to get that nice feeling might take some time but put in the work and friendships grow to be meaningful.
- strike up conversation with neighbours, some days they were the only person I had conversation with, it might just be passing the time of day but its contact
- I volunteered with the cinneman trust to walk an elderly mans dog 1-2 times weekly, we were both lonely at the time so sort of held each other up but the dog was the focus so it felt natural. This also meant that I got walks and any dog walker will tell you this makes you instantly more approachable and you tend to chat that way too. I cant tell you how much this helped.
- allotments, if your into that, I found great as ours had evening barbacues a couple of times through the summer using food from everyones allotments, again the food was the focus so conversation and friendships never felt forced.

Hope this helps!! I now feel very settled and have a small circle of very good friends and aquaintances and feel part of the area I live in. It will come its just incredibly hard for the first year or two xxxx

MommatoEth Mon 27-Mar-17 15:49:08

I speak to my friends and family everyday, I'm always on the phone to them or on Facetime. I keep in contact with friends and family regularly as many of them are back in Germany, and my friends up north I speak to all day everyday. Bought up in the army so have many friends all over the UK or world.

I guess its just how life is when you move around isn't it. This was our 3rd move in a year, so as soon as I feel settled we go again. We move again in 6 months time. Never been settled anywhere for more than 3 years, but this last year has been the hardest. Xx

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