Contact with grandma when Father doesn't want to see baby

[user1488122513]

I'm completely new to mumsnet and not sure on where to go to for advice.
I have a 5 month old from a very short relationship. Sons dad said from very beginning he wanted me to have an abortion and if I kept the baby he would have nothing to do with him. Now his mum has been very upset trying to contact me to see my son. His dad would not give her my contact details until she had a bad argument. She is unwell from smoking but is desperate to see him.
I'm unsure as to what I should do as I don't like to think of my son asking questions about his dad when he's older to his grandma and it becoming complicated and messing my son up. My son had stability from me and my parents and other family. I don't know his mum. My sons dad has problems becuse his dad was abusive to him and his mum. I don't know what's in my sons best interest.
Advice please.

[Heratnumber7]

Personally, i think it wouldn't be fair on DS to keep him away from his father's family if they want to see him.

[Champers4Pampers]

Can you meet her on her own at first before introducing her to your son? Just so you get to know her a bit beforehand before making a definitive decision.

I think your son should be able to have a relationship with his paternal grandmother. It's not her fault that her son doesn't want to acknowledge him.

[Karmaisabitch]

I disagree, it is kind of her fault.....she's his mother, he obviously wasn't raised properly to think it's okay get a woman pregnant & force an abortion or just not see his child.

[jeaux90]

My dd has a relationship with her GP's and aunt but no contact with the father.

I think it's only right that she does but it depends on whether they are a stable and positive influence or not

[BertieBotts]

My DS also sees his paternal grandmother but not his actual father.

It's stilted and a little distant on my side but I facilitate it because they obviously care for him and he gets something from the relationship no matter how small. We actually live abroad but they skype regularly and when we visit he goes to see them.

My feeling is that it's never bad for a child to have more people in their life who love them. I don't particularly feel the love for my x-mil but it's not my relationship, it's his.

[Starlight2345]

I would want to get to know her first. I can say as the mum of a 9 year old DS he has virtually no family he misses it.

If she is unwell from smoking she may well not have long to live. It sounds like she has pushed ex to find out about you so I would at least meet her.

[ZombieApocalips]

Totally disagree with karma that it is kind of her fault that her son left his pregnant partner and child.

As someone suggested above, I would meet her without the child and find out more.

[Chachaow]

It's the mother's fault that an adult son is a horrible, irresponsible person? WTF?! I think you should consider letting her meet him OP, she might not have long to live and if you meet her first to see how you feel then you might find it easier to decide