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DNA test

12 replies

Newmummy87 · 06/02/2017 07:12

So my ex has stopped seeing my little one because he wants a DNA test, which is fine with me!! I've begged him to continue seeing little one but he's refused!! It's now been a few months since he last seen little one as it's still in the letter stage at solicitor. Anyone suggest what I can do? He's really going to lose bond with little one. Little one is only 4 months old.
Any advice would be great

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AuntieStella · 06/02/2017 09:45

Just get on with the DNA test without delay.

If he has genuine doubts, but will step up once paternity is established you want this to be resolved ASAP.

If he's an arse, and using this as an excuse to dip out this will also become rapidly clear (as another excuse will emerge) and you may as well know this as well, so you can plan your life and that of your DC accordingly.

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Starlight2345 · 06/02/2017 16:30

Can I ask why solicitors are involved at this stage?

Have you not agreed and tell him to sort it out.

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Newmummy87 · 06/02/2017 18:46

hes decided to go thru solicitors for the DNA test. I have agreed to it as I have nothing to hide, it's others getting in his head. He's missing out on so much with little one. I have tried on more than a few occasions to get him to see little one but he's refused

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Starlight2345 · 06/02/2017 19:42

Unfortunately one thing I have learnt as a LP is you can't make him be anything he isn't.

If he genuinely believes he is not the dad I imagine he is doing some self protection.

I would simply message him that you will do everything you can for the process to go through it as quickly as possible so that his DS can get to see him. Is he asking for more than a DNA test as you don't need to pay for a solicitor to say yes I agree.

I wonder if there is more as even through sols.Can I have a DNA test ? yes. Arrange dates?

Is he paying maintenance? because he will get a DNA test through them if he disputes parentage but will be charged if he is.

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Newmummy87 · 06/02/2017 20:01

He knows he's the dad, he's got little one plastered all over his social media account. Not paid since November (which am not bothered about) I just want him to be In little ones life. He was having little one 3 times a week. He's wanting overnight visits which is also fine with me and if he had even bothered to ask me I would of said yes. He's very controlling and because I've stood up to him he's gone to a solicitor (he has the funds to do this)

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Starlight2345 · 06/02/2017 20:46

At 4 months old he wants overnights?

I think you need to be very careful what you wish for in these circumstances.

A 4 month old should not be away from mum overnight and no court in the land will agree to this.

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Newmummy87 · 07/02/2017 07:03

Ahh really. Am a 1st time mum. Thank you so much for your help and advice. Am Making him pay for DNA test,so just waiting for that to get sorted at the minute.

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Starlight2345 · 07/02/2017 18:17

When you say he is controlling.Going through a solicitor for a DNA test that you are happy to provide. I would be worried.

I would worry that this is not about wanting to bond with his baby but simply to control you.

I think he has another agenda. I don't know you / him or enough to figure out what but I believe he does.

You may well get a solicitor letter demanding something. Whether it is over night contact, shared care or something else . Be aware because I solicitor writes it doesn't make anything reasonable. They are paid to write letters on behalf of their clients.

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Newmummy87 · 07/02/2017 21:44

Everything you have just said. Was in my letter from his solicitors, overnight access, PR etc. I've just been put on tablets because every time his name popped up on my phone I'd panic, and my weight has plummeted a lot.

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Starlight2345 · 07/02/2017 21:59

At this point I would simply tell him no further contact is needed between you till DNA is done.

I stopped contact with my Ex very different reasons. IF restarted I wanted it back to contact centre. My Solicitor advised the longer the break in contact the better for my case. So leave him to it. When he gets the DNA result. Tell him he needs to build up contact again so LO can get used to him. Don't give more than you are comfortable with or you think is right for your DC.

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Newmummy87 · 08/02/2017 07:31

Thank you for all your advice. My solicitor is very good thank goodness. She said 1st step DNA then discuss everything else.

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3xcookedchips · 08/02/2017 11:28

A 4 month old should not be away from mum overnight and no court in the land will agree to this.

This is incorrect - inaccuracy and prejudice prevails...

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