I am not a lone parent as I remarried but posting here anyway as issue relates to my ex. We split 5 years ago when DSs were 1 and 3 - pretty acriminous as he had an affair and decided to leave then acted in a pretty callous selfish way. I met someone else quite quickly and remarried. His "affair" didn't last so he was single for a few years before meeting someone in Jan 2015 who got pregnant and had a baby in Feb 2015. We have two DSs who are 8 and 6 who live with me and see my ex usually on Sundays from 11-6. He lives nearby so usually sees them a few times in the week, either in the park or at activites they go to.
For some reason, my ex now wants to increase contact with DSs, getting them into a more regular pattern of staying overnight every other weekend and having half the holidays, which is fair enough I guess. The problem is that DSs don't want to go. Even him taking them for an afternoon on Sunday makes DS2 really upset (crying, clinging to me) and it's really distressing to have to prise him away. As for holidays, they point blank refuse to go so it's a case of, again, sending them against their will and spending months persuading them that they will enjoy it. I have got to the point where I am wondering why I have to do this. DSs don't want to go, I don't want them to go (I work full time and have limited time with them) so I am more than happy to stick to the current arrangement. I know my ex could apply to court to get the usual every other weekend contact but I am not sure he would bother doing this as he needs flexibility. I know it's in DSs' best interests to see and have a relationship with their father and I do everything I can to encourage this but I am not sure it's best for them to force them to go on holiday when they really don't want to go. I worry myself sick as well the entire time they are away. I have tried to get to the bottom of why DSs don't want to go and there doesn't seem to be anything fundamental, just that my ex is a bit boring, they feel they always see him. I should point out that I think they are reasonably well treated when they are with him so it's not a case of them being badly treated.
Would really appreciate advice on what to do here in the best interests of DSs. Allow increased contact or stick to what we have. He wants to take them abroad for 5 days over New Year and I just cannot decide if it's the best thing for them.
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Lone parents
DSs don't want increased contact with their dad
10 replies
Thomasina76 · 02/11/2016 14:43
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