Bloody hell I'm lonely

[DeliaClartpepperTheThird]

Been lone parent to a toddler for five months. I work part time, i come home and the only sound is my constant commentary and question asking "where are your shoes, yes that's right, oh you've got an itchy arm blah blah blah".

Bedtime routine lasts from 7 to half 8, so even if someone did want to visit I'll be upstairs for most of it.

Have asked mum to come round for an hour a week so I can go to gym or something. But she's not keen cos her husband will be lonely. I know it's not her problem but bloody hell I could use some support.

I had a shit day at work and realised there was no one to tell, no hugs or telling me it'll be okay. I was coping well but this realisation has just made me feel horribly alone.

Just a rant really.

[Lessthanaballpark]

No advice except to say it does get better as they get older. I've been there and know how soul crushingly lonely it can be and how starved you become of adult company.

You can tell us about your shit day at work if you like!

[allthatnonsense]

That is tough.

Make a fuss of your child in the day. Relish your time at work and pamper yourself in the evenings.

That sounds so easy, but of course it isn't. Try to ignore the things that you can't change, just for now while you're adjusting.

[Mamalicious16]

Or pm a fellow mumsnetter!

[IamHappy1976]

Oh dear, I feel your pain! Been there, got the T-shirt! Things improved once we started school and I now have other mums to talk to while our children play at the park / soft play etc :-) Go team parenting!
I dated a bit but as you say, the time when you and the new fella should be getting to know each other I spent putting DD to bed....
At the moment I am single. I aim for 2 play dates a week and have some grown up crafty crap to turn to when I get bored! Cross stitch can't complain it is being ignored if I have had a long and tiring day!
Good luck - it WILL get easier :-)

[DeliaClartpepperTheThird]

Thanks.

Job rant - i lost some staff responsibilities due to restructuring (ie discrimination cos I am part time and considered less dependable). Means my job is no longer managerial so am paranoid my wage will be cut. Am already struggling financially. Feeling really anxious about it.

I worry that our home is too quiet. I am guilty of looking at my phone lots just out of boredom. Don't want my baby to grow up feeling i was distant or him feeling lonely too :-(

[wobblywonderwoman]

That's tough on you op.

Any chance of getting a babysitter rather than relying on your mum (mine won't offer willingly either though I am not in your position)

Can you get out and a out with toddler after work ? Sometimes I bring mine to a local pub for a sandwich for my own sanity and company - at least I feel a bit more human

[DeliaClartpepperTheThird]

I have been looking at babysitting agencies. Think it might be an option.

Good idea maybe we could just go to supermarket cafe for tea one night. Then it won't matter so much if he kicks off.

We went to a swimming lesson on my day off this week. He screamed the whole time. I just ended up sitting in the changing room crying with him . I'd envisioned this fun session where I might chat to other parents while wearing toddler out. Nope. Wore myself out and got the odd sympathetic glance from nameless parents. Sigh.

[grandmainmypocket]

It gets easier Delia. One foot in front of the other.
Do you have space in your home for an au pair?

[DeliaClartpepperTheThird]

No I'm afraid not grandma

I think it'll be a bit better ...
-when he can talk back
-when I can rationalise with him to reduce tantrums
-when he needs less intensive support at bedtime

• when we can travel places bit more easily. I like the idea of doing city breaks but it would be pointless at present
  

Despite all this I do love this age when he's discovering the world and developing his personality!

[sandgrown]

Any toddler groups on your day off where you could chat to other mums. Has your local college got a creche so you could do a course for a couple of hours a week? Certain cafes round where I live seem to have mornings where there are lots of mums and tots there and it would probably be easy to start chatting. I have been there and know how you feel. We used to go for walks just to be round other people . I tried to get one night out a week when I could be myself rather than someone's mum. Would your mum babysit at her house then her DH would not be lonely!

[grandmainmypocket]

I had a customer today who has a husband with dementia. She was worried that she talks too much with people because of the lack of conversation at home. She broke my heart.
I think quite a few people are lonely but we don't rally round each other.

[DeliaClartpepperTheThird]

Agree grandma I was just thinking yesterday after I'd shared my life story with a health visitor "this is why some old people strike up conversation on the bus". Human interaction is so bloody vital x

[glorious]

Oh Delia that sounds tough, I'm sorry. Since we moved and I became a SAHM I get lonely too, and I have a DH.

Would any friends come after bedtime at the weekend?

Could you ring someone every night?

Want to tell us about your day?

[apintofharpandapacketofdates]

Hi OP.

I feel your pain except I have three of the blighters. They're older, which definitely makes a difference.

Can you do stuff on your lunch break? Start a club/group at work?

Maybe arrange a book club and get together once a month (with the kids if no other option) and chat about what you've read.

I agree wholeheartedly that adult company is so important. I'm lonely as anything right now but recognise that, for me at least, it's a state of mind..

[getyourselfchecked]

My local leisure centre does fitness classes where you can also take the baby. They play on mats with toys and the mums (or dads, but no men go) do the class. We all have a coffee afterwards too. Something like that appeal?

[1DAD2KIDS]

As you can probably tell your not alone. There are hundreds of us in the same boat. Time interacting with adults (especially ones that kwon where your coming from) is very important. I take my little boy (18 months) to a tots group once a week. Its great. He can play with other kids and I can chat and interact with other adults. For me it was odd at first being the only male single parent but I have some good friends now. My little girl is 5 and at school now. This makes it easier and once my boy is at school too I will have a little time to my self on my days off from work. Maybe even time off for my self instead of just free time to get the house work done. But it does get easier. As they get older they become a little bit more low maintenance.

Its tough, it lonely and its bloody hard work. But you need to look for the positive things in life.

[jollo]

I've been a single mum since day 1. My DD is now 8. I work part time (3 days a week) so the only "me-time" I get us the 2 days I don't work that she's at school. I go to yoga or gym, meet a friend for lunch etc. These are my 2 fave days each week. The others I just tolerate mostly. I guess in about 5 years i might start to enjoy a bit more. It's relentless, tedium, soul crushingly lonely being a single parent. Every day I wish I had a partner to share things with.

[megletthesecond]

jollo exactly the same here. My youngest is 8 so I think that in two years I can leave them for an hour (supermarket / parkrun / allotment = conversations!) but I really have to wait for her to be well into secondary school before its safe enough for me to start meeting friends at weekends or the evening. Our office is very much 'no talking' so I struggle with work.

[Flowerpower41]

I think it gets significantly easier as the children grow up. They need us less and are more independent. Every year a little easier.

I don't feel lonely at all but I put that down to a spiritual group I go to. I used to feel very lonely when ds was pre school and also until he was 8. I found 8 onwards more interesting and less isolating.

Luckily there is no part of me that hankers after a partner until ds is 16 and has passed his GCSE's. He is mildly dyspraxic from what I can tell and we are awaiting a referral going through the GP which will take a long time. My son passing exams and flourishing in society is more important to me than getting hooked up with a bloke.

[jollo]

Its tough isnt it meglet The problem I feel is trying to live in and enjoy the moment and be conscious of my r/ship with DD rather than wish away the time til she's older and I'm free-er. A challenge.