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Maintenance and morals

(4 Posts)
Imnotagilmoregirl Sun 28-Aug-16 13:45:30

Hello all,

More of a resigned rant than a question here. Ex h and I have ds and dd and after many ups and downs and loads of rows about inconsistency we've finally nailed an agreement of when he sees kids. However last year when he moved in with his new partner and her little boy he advised me he would be cutting down his maintenance payments as he was struggling to afford everything. Annoying, but as he a mature student and wasnt earning and we had a family agreement. I had to suck it up.

Anyway now he's announced that he's no longer going to pay the amount he changed it to, he can't afford it. He has finished studying and not is working part time and training to be something completely different. I offered to accept a lesser amount and he refused and said he'd go via CSA or whatever system is in place now. Which I'm pretty sure is his way of saying "I'm not going to pay, and I'm going to get a letter saying that I don't have to"

I realise there's very little I can do. It's a pain financially, but we can still live, just alter the budget and go without the odd treat. My dp supports us and like me was prepared for this day coming, says it's not a problem, forget it, etc.

The thing is, I just can't get past the fact exh is happy like this. Refusing to work full time, happy not to pay, and to allow me and my dp to just deal with it. We've had our ups and downs but I've always felt he loved the kids and things would get easier as they got older and he got together with his partner, she seemed to settle him. But he just seems to really not give a shiny shite whether his kids are fed/clothed. He has them once a week overnight which has only been in the last couple of months. I'm being cynical now, but has he done that to ensure he won't have to pay any extra?

I have it a lot better than a lot of mums but I'm finding it hard not to really hate his guts? Am I in the wrong? How do you all cope and feel about your exes?

redannie118 Sun 28-Aug-16 13:55:23

Hi op I work for CMS 2012 scheme as a case worker and it doesn't matter in the slightest he only works part time,he still has to pay maintenance . Any taxable income is taken into account,no matter how small. I would pursue this even if the amount is tiny, for no other reason than to show he has a legal obligation to financially support his children

cannotlogin Mon 29-Aug-16 12:36:36

My ex refuses to pay maintenance. There is no logic to it as far as I can see as he is not badly off and certainly loves the children. I am aware he pretends to friends/ family that he is very generous. I don't know if his partner is aware or not. I suspect not. I figure that in as much as he loves the children, he hates me, and he is unable to separate that hate from his children's needs. It is the only control he has over me now and I have given up with both the CSA and CMS so he doesn't have even that. We manage - something else he seems to hate!

corlan Mon 29-Aug-16 18:44:46

It's beyond comprehension isn't it?
I believe my XP loves our daughter but he has made no attempt to get a job in the last 7 years. He pays £7 a week via the CMS and boasts about what a cushy life he has.
I despise him for that and ,unfortunately, when our daughter grows up and has children of her own,
I think she will probably despise him for it too.

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