Dilemma

[Hippymonk]

Myself and my ex have been split now for almost a year and I have the 2 children (14 and 12)with me. It was a terrible messy split, it came out of the blue,no warnings or signs she just left myself and my 2 boys, this was on my youngest sons birthday. There was sporadic contact between the children and their mother, arguments started between herself and the children then eventually me. The children stopped talking to her,she refused to co-operate with Cafcass and never even turned up for court. They have not seen each other since October 2015, they last spoke briefly in February 2016. I have been contacted today by one of her friends who is concerned for my ex's mental state. Apparently she is making up bizarre stories, not about me but unbelievable stories that her friends know are not true, she is acting in a very strange manner and is not the person they know, they believe she is mentally unstable which they beleive comes from the relationship breakdown between herself and the boys. Now here with the boys i am facing a issue with my 12 year old son, the school think he has anxiety and maybe slight depression. Both children are seeing a councillor but the 12 year old just keeps on as if everything is fine,he will not talk to anybody about what has happened and insists all is well but his behaviour at school tells a different story. He was a mommy's boy, he loved his mom more than anybody in the world and I know part of him has died. We have no contact details for his mom,we do not know where she lives or works,there is no way of getting in contact with her, all we know is the small town she lives in. My question is do I speak to her friends, find out where she lives and basically force a meeting between herself and the children?

[Emeralda]

No, absolutely not. You would be putting your children in a vulnerable position by seeking her out at the moment. What do her friends hope to achieve by telling you this? Supporting your boys is your first priority.

If she was willing and able to repair the rupture in her relationship with the boys, that approach would need to come from her and you would need to satisfy yourself that a sustained rreconciliation was likely and in the best interests of your boys.

Good luck. It's a difficult situation and your boys are likely to need support in different ways for a while.

Don't feel you have to justify your decisions to anyone else, either.

[SharonfromEON]

I Personally wouldn't.. It sounds like the boys are struggling enough..One thing I have learnt is you cannot make an ex want to parent if they don't want to... Forcing her to see them will have no longevity if it isn't what she wants and more heartache...
I also think she needs to sort her MH out herself not drag the boys into it....The boys have their own issues to deal with without adding her problems to them.

[Hippymonk]

I thought it was a bad idea when I wrote it. Thanks for your input