I am the father of a wonderful 6 year old. She lives with her mum in South America after our relationship broke down. I see her on skype every week and visit as often as I can, which considering the expense is once per year. I have just come back from my last visit a little heart broken. The circumstances in which I am able to see my daughter are strange- they are always in very controlled conditions- at my ex partners father’s house or if we go out I am always accompanied by a member of her family- often my ex partner. My relationship with her is challenging. I am always respectful to her, but she finds it hard to reciprocate this- I do not speak the language (although of course I am trying) so often conversations are not translated by her which leaves me feeling isolated when I visit. Ultimately I love my little girl and want to be able to build a loving relationship with her and not feel like I am always under supervision. This time I insisted that I wanted to take her to the local park – this suggestion resulted in a WW3 conversation and I am just left feeling like I am being unreasonable. She finally relented and we had a lovely afternoon at the park- some lovely, quality time. If my ex is busy (working etc), normal days with my daughter would be with her at her father’s house, watching tv, building dens, treasure hunts- all fine, but I just want to take her some where like a water park, shopping centre, cinema- anything…I want to be a dad and do fun things with her. I am just not being allowed to do this.
When I raise this with my ex, a normal response is for her to just shout back in her native language. Of course, I am unable to explain my view to her family and she (very, very successfully) makes me appear to be unreasonable. She also does this in front of my daughter. I just want to give up – I feel so alone in these circumstances but I love my daughter so much.
Mums- I think you will hate this, but in my opinion the only thing I can control in these circumstances is the financial support I give. Now I take my responsibilities as a dad very seriously. I proudly financially support my ex, but this is my one bargaining chip that I have. I am considering threatening not paying this unless I am allowed to have quality time with my daughter. I am prepared to be absolutely slaughtered by you all for sharing this with you, which is partly why I wanted to as I do not feel (6 years on) that I am getting anywhere. In fact, after my last visit and shouting episode, I have returned feeling the trip did more damage to my relationship with my little girl than good.
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6 years on and getting nowhere- my ex just won't let me build a relationship with our daughter.
14 replies
MrMarried · 01/02/2016 03:20
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MaryRobinson ·
01/02/2016 03:39
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MaryRobinson ·
01/02/2016 03:45
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MaryRobinson ·
01/02/2016 05:14
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MaryRobinson ·
04/02/2016 00:45
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