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Home alone together the first night

(8 Posts)
Mizuna Wed 28-Oct-15 21:03:51

A year since we said we're separating exDP has just moved to a flat nearby, while DD (6) and I were out all day. Some furniture taken and so first thing tomorrow DD will be at GM's, where she goes regularly, while I blitz clean and reorganise a bit.

Do you have any tips on managing this transitional period? I'm in need of both practical and emotional. DD hides her sad/bad feelings most of the time, they come out as anger when they do come out, normal I think?

There is a timetable in place that is EOW and 1/2 nights with Dad during the week, on a fortnightly rotation. She knows this and has got used to spending time with us in similar way as each of us stayed away from the family home during this year.

More backstory - exDP and I have new partners, DD spends time with us and them regularly since early this year, so far so good with that, neither partner moving in with each of us yet though this is on the cards for next year. We're up and down with being amicable, today exDP was in tears and I hugged him and we do our best to focus on new happier times ahead.

But god am I all over the place emotionally.

OP’s posts: |
Lweji Wed 28-Oct-15 21:47:22

I think it will be less confusing for her now that he has left.

What are your DD's sad/bad feelings and how do they come out as anger?

Why was your exDP in tears? I hope your DD was not part of all that emotional rollercoaster.

Mizuna Wed 28-Oct-15 22:26:12

I think the sad/bad is her processing what's happening. An example is tantrumming more earlier this year, and she's a model pupil at school but lost it in an argument with another child last week.

He was in tears at having to move out, and she wasn't witness to any of that.

OP’s posts: |
Lweji Wed 28-Oct-15 22:36:34

It could easily be an age thing,

But it also doesn't sound fair on you that your ex is downloading all that emotionaL charge on you. After all he's in a separate relationship as well.
Your dd may be picking up on this, so that there seems to be resolution is a good thing. I hope he doesn't start crying around her too.

MarkRuffaloCrumble Wed 28-Oct-15 23:59:18

It's good that you and ex are able to be amicable enough to comfort each other. XH and I had the odd moment when we were both mourning the loss of our old life together, despite knowing it was the right thing. Nothing wrong with him showing some emotion.

My ex came round not long ago struggling with stress and saying his GF doesn't support him and that I know him better than anyone. There was no hint of him wanting anything more than a listening ear. Being a friend to your DDs other parent can only be a good thing.

Try to plan things for DDs nights away, whether time with your DP or friends or even just something nice to eat on your own and a movie you like.

My first few nights alone were really hard, I sobbed myself to sleep. However it soon becomes normal for everyone and now I positively relish my night off smile

MarkRuffaloCrumble Thu 29-Oct-15 00:00:21

And as long as your dd knows that she can talk to you about any worries and that she's not expected to take sides or hide her feelings she'll be fine. It takes some getting used to but this move will make it clearer for her.

Mizuna Thu 29-Oct-15 06:38:13

Thanks, yes, I feel relieved in some ways to be at this stage at last. As you, takes time to get used to.

OP’s posts: |
kinkytoes Thu 29-Oct-15 06:43:51

I was only 2 when my parents broke up so don't remember much of it. But I do know that the fact they were able to be friendly afterwards was a good thing for me. Good luck for the future.

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