Telling XP about doctors visits

[AKP79]

So having already had an issue with my XP in the last week, today has been another issue.

DS has had a nasty cough for the last 6-7 weeks. After 3 weeks I took him to be checked at the docs and they said it was a virus, but to bring him back if it didn't improve. The following weekend he started bashing his ear, whinging and saying it hurt, so back I went again - again told prob more of the virus. 6 weeks into the cough (last thurs) I had to pick him up from nursery because despite not having a temp he was displaying the symptoms of one. Nursery suggested I try and get another docs appointment which I did. Again told there was no sign of infection, but they asked to see him again today. Today he has been prescribed an inhaler as asthma is a possibility.

I've updated XP along the way, but today he has said that he will be phoning the doctor to check what is going on. It's quite common for him to do this if DS goes to the docs. I tell XP and update him on all medical things, but is this regular clarification on what I've told him normal?

DS had chicken pox once and doc recommended he stay home instead of doing the 3 hour journey to his dad's. I told XP this and suggested he came to us for the day instead. However, he called the docs who confirmed what I said, but then called me and said I was lying and that the doctor had said DS could go! I was so confused I called the doc for clarification and she was fuming he'd lied about what she'd said.

Would you continue to tell XP when DC has docs appointments? I feel he has a right to know, but I'm finding the interrogation exhausting. The joke is he's the one who lies, I've never once lied to him!

[GloriousGloria]

Only tell him when it's serious so a virus/infection no, developing asthma or too ill to travel yes.

If he tries saying the Dr says different just ignore.

[Starlightbright1]

It is game playing...

I wouldn't be telling anything that seems to create problems for you. How often are you speaking?

If child is seriously ill then yes but not if he is going to phone docs and check up.. I would make it clear you do not expect to have information checked up on and if he continues to do so you will only give very important information.

[mojo17]

What a controlling arse he is
I would only tell him if it affects him in any way ie can't travel to his, needs to continue medication while with him etc.
Otherwise just leave it, ffs he'll be checking up on his food intake and bowel movements next!
You are a good responsible mother doing the right things so ignore him. He will be the one getting into trouble with the docs phoning them all the time

[AKP79]

Thanks everyone. I really do feel incredibly frustrated by it all. He's supposed to call/Facetime DS weekly on a wednesday and he clearly forgot because I had a text at 10pm saying he had only just got reception for the first time that day and said he'd call tomorrow instead. I replied with - no problem - and he then asked if DS was ok. I said that his cough was still there and the doc had prescribed an inhaler today. He asked why, so I said - Potential asthma, it's rife in my family and a long standing cough can be a symptom - He then replied to say that he would be calling the doctors in the morning to check with them.

He took me to court last year for a number of reasons including an accusation of Münchhausen's By Proxy. It was all lies and he knew that. His reason for accusing me of having MBP was because DS had had a lot of colds the previous winter and he felt I was making it up. He was a toddler at nursery, they get colds!!! I volunteered myself for assessment at the doctors and also got DS assessed. The doctor almost found it laughable. Needless to say when we got to court, he drop all his accusations.

I don't think he can accept the fact that he decided to leave, he lives 3 hours away with his partner and her children and as a result there are consequences that he now needs to live with. Mainly that I have the majority of time with DS and therefore am in control of lots of the day to day decisions.

This constant checking up on me is emotionally draining and sometimes very hard to just ignore, but I know that's the only way to deal with it. I always act in the best interests of DS and that's all I can do at the end of the day.