Seeing the other grandparents(16 Posts)
Do you take this as your responsibility in any way. Im feelng guilty that my dds don't see that much of their paternal gps?
I see it as their (grandparents) responsibility or the responsibility of the dc's father to maintain contact. I would not feel guilty for someone else's actions or lack of.
Have you tried speaking with the GPs directly? Is there animosity between you and them? If not maybe they are unsure how to approach you.
At the end of the day you already recognise the benefit your daughters see their GPs. Try and separate that from your relationship with your ex.
I always send a card and school photos at Christmas and make sure the DCs ring them every few months and to say thank you if they've sent money for birthdays or anything. I've also made it clear that they're welcome to drop by if they're in town.
Not much beyond that though. My DCs see their dad regularly so it's his job to take them to visit his parents not mine.
I do more for DD's relationship with her GF on her dad's side than my ex does. He lives 100 miles away so I can't take DD regularly but when we are going on holiday by car, we always drop in to see him for a visit. So probably 2/3 times a year. He's in his 80s so quite frail. I've long given up trying to persuade ex to take DD to see his dad. He's far too tight.
I still see my FIL. He's a lovely man and has been a part of my life for an awful long time. I did ask ex if I could continue to see him when we split (ex did the dirty and left) and he agreed. Bet he was regretting that when he introduced his mistress to FIL. Mwahahahaha
I feel that it's important that my DCs have a relationship with their granddad. Ex doesn't take them down very much at all. Even better I can bring FIL up to my house for a mini-holiday so I can keep an eye on his health.
My ex's mum and dad had split up and he didn't see his dad from the age of about 12. I encouraged him to get into contact and his dad and his wife are really really lovely and we have kept in contact with them and I take DS up to see them and even spent Christmas eve and christmas morning with them.
Ex decided he didn't want contact with DS over a year ago now and all his family stopped having contact as well to support his decision. I have sent texts saying they can seem and have asked ex's mum to contact me for her husband to call and basically say they wanted nothing to do with my DS. I think it is a horrible thing to do to a child that has not done anything wrong unlike their son who had an affair and walked out on me 3 weeks before DS 2nd birthday.
However, ex gave his dad an ultimatum stating they had to stop contact with DS and me or he would cut his dad off. They refused to take sides and they haven' heard from ex since.
Just randomly read this thread as my sister is going through the mother of all divorces and it's all got very nasty. Well in fact she's only separated at the moment as exH will not agree to a divorce after 3 years of separation.
Anyway, I have a different insight and just wanted to share with you...
My mum and dad adore their 3 grandchildren, have always provided all the daily childcare (thanks to being retired), have taken the children on summer holidays etc...to the point where really they've been a second set of parents. 3 years ago my sister and husband split, he refused to move out of the family home so she did, he's since taken her to court for custody of the children and won (please reserve judgement on this, he had a breakdown and the court decided it was detrimental to his recovery to remove the children - I kid you not!), she now has to pay CSA and is at his mercy when she can see the children, he still lives in the family home and won't sell because he's heavily in debt... Anyway, he has turned against my parents because they will not take his side, in fact they've tried to stay out of it altogether. My mum and dad now haven't seen their grandson in 3 years, and the youngest granddaughter they see now and again when my sister has her. My mum is distraught and misses the children so much, my dad is growing more bitter by the day. The effect it has had on them is terrible and so sad because everyone has lost out! I can tell from some of the comments that a few people on here feel grandparents are not a necessity and I can understand if your children don't have good grandparents but if they did/do look beyond your relationship with your ex. Good grandparents can be wonderful and an additional avenue of love and support for a child.
Anyway, that's just my thoughts...
I don't take my child to see them, they have never bothered with us much even when i was still with their son. My exs sister still sends me messages occasionally and i have always left it open to say that if they want to come and see ds then they are more than welcome.
I don't see that my child is missing out though, he has my mum - who really helps a lot with childcare and loves spoiling her only grandchild, my dad and step mum who have him one weekend a month just because they love having him, and my aunt and uncle who always treated me like a daughter so see ds as their grandson not having children themselves. On top of that we also see my nan every saturday and we go for lunch every saturday.
Me and DS's dad have recently split.
His family live a 30 min drive or 1 hour bus ride away.
His mum and auntie have only been to see him once at the hospital.
His sisters have only been to see him once when he was 2 weeks old which is fair enough to me.
His dad couldn't even be arsed to come see him at the hospital cause of a "foot injury" (boohoo) despite walking to work every day?! He only even met him because I went on the bus 2 weeks after a c section and took him to see him when I should have been resting, I wish I hadn't then we could have waited and seen how long til he could be bothered to come see him
None of them have seen him for 2 and a half months now so almost half his life as he's only 6 months!!
Every single other time they've seen him is when I've driven to take him there. I no longer bother!
Apologies for the rant but I'm getting sick of it
His dad is also currently 3 hours late to come see him so you get my drift about these people
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