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How do i stop all this animosity between us

(6 Posts)
sukue Thu 20-Feb-14 10:38:22

Im quite sad and really broken as to why this guy has to be so nasty to me all the time. i fell pregnant for him and he left me the whole 9 months after i delivered he starts calling not once does he say the words im sorry but keeps saying nasty words to me. He makes it seem like he is doing me a favour by coming back for his child and expects me to beg him to come and see her. im tired of fighting with him i wish i could be at peace with him for the sake of the baby but he is so un predictable i could send a message of peace and get a nasty reply i just dont know what to do......he claims i have too much pride and untill im meek the child is mine alone. please help me know what to do, what i should i do? the fact that he attempts the calls shows he wants to be part of the baby but is too proud to admit right? his words really break me. last time i was too pushed i called him a son of a bitch n told him i hated him i know that didnt help the situatuion but he also called me his prostitude in one of his insults to me. we are fighting all the time there is no moment of peace between us and yet we have a wonderful baby. Do i apologise to him? what do i do? how do i try for the baby's sake. i know me and him can never work out but for the sake of my child what should i do? his last message to me was the baby is mine alone he will never be in touch again and i shouldn't bother calling him anymore. should i leave him alone? my heart breaks each time i look at my daughter i feel like im not trying hard enough to give her, her dad. advice me please

foolsrushin Thu 20-Feb-14 13:06:16

Don't contact him he is a loser!! You have nothing to apologise for.

starlight1234 Thu 20-Feb-14 14:36:09

His contact does not mean he is interested in his daughter..It means he is interested in arguing with you.

My Advise...You need to not contact him and only respond to anything to do with your daughter...

If he sends abusive texts save them don't respond as that is what he is looking for...If he is genuinely interested in seeing his daughter he will only do anything about this and change his behaviour once you change yours.

I have done the encouraging and encouraging but still believe my ds was better him dropping out his life when he was tiny than older as I was convinced he would do..

MiniCracker Thu 20-Feb-14 22:44:06

Do not contact him. He is trying to blackmail you by withholding his parenting.

If he contacts you send a short polite message saying if he wants to arrange contact or hear how dd is he can email you on xxxx, you aren't going to discuss anything else. This shows that you are open to facilitating contact between them.

Do not engage in person or over the phone as it is too easy to get pulled into an argument. If he tries, again state politely that you are not discussing things, if he wants contact he can email you. Stick to that, he will get bored if there is no drama.

People who really care about their child don't try to crush the person in charge of looking after them 99% of the time.

sukue Tue 25-Feb-14 09:27:38

Do not contact him and thts exactly what i will do

Thankyou everybody i jus needed to know if perhaps i should bend and do as he wants

its very true people who really care about their children dont try to crush the person taking care of them 99% of the time

Inshock73 Tue 25-Feb-14 10:46:47

Sukue - I've just read your post and had to respond. I'm guessing you're pretty young which probably means I'm old enough to be your mother smile

The father of your child is bullying you! He's a bully! What he is doing to you is domestic abuse. I don't know if you realise but abuse doesn't have to be physical, he doesn't have to hit you, it can also be mental, deliberately saying really hurtful things to you, degrading you, calling you his prostitute is degrading you! He knows exactly what he is doing and his actions are deliberate. When he said you have too much pride he meant you're being too strong, he wants you to be weak because then he can bully you and take control of you and your emotions. He is a very toxic man and you may not realise it at the moment but the best place you can be is no longer in a relationship with him.

His actions do not show he wants to be part of his daughter's life. If he wanted to be part of his daughter's life he would ask to see her, he would want to take care of her, buy her what she needs etc, he wouldn't need you to beg him, and that is what you're doing. All the time you beg him he feels in control and will continue to abuse you.

Perhaps in time he will grow in to a better person and a better dad but at the moment you are better off without him. STOP allowing him to abuse you in this way, BE STRONG, DON'T beg him or apologise you have done nothing wrong. It is not your fault her dad is failing in his responsibilities. STOP contacting him as he sees this as weakness and you as needy which gives him strength to abuse you.

Do you have people around you can talk to and who can support you? You have two things to deal with here, one is access and the other is financial support, he should be supporting his daughter financially.

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