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Newly single parent wanting advice please.

(11 Posts)
Fifyfomum Sat 15-Feb-14 10:59:00

So yesterday, after another night of rejection (sexually) and another valentines day of watching everyone around me celebrate their love, I finally ended it with my husband of nearly 4 years and my partner of 8.5 years.

We have two children, 1 and 3 and it is over.

He didnt even really fight for it, just resigned himself to the end. To be honest I think he gave up on the marriage long ago.

Our friendship has always been strong, we get on great, we have a lovely home and we spend time together well. He is helpful around the house and great with the children but he does not physically satisfy me in any way, he has begun to use sex as a weapon to hurt me with and that was really evident on Thursday night. So I have ended it.

Practically he is off to Australia for 3 weeks in March, after which he will be living in a house-share.

I know I need to change the payment method and name on the water bill, the gas n electric are in my name anyway and they are metered so no issue there, the house is a council house we just need to take him off the tenancy and I need to speak to housing benefit about support from them.

Then obviously there is tax credits.

Am I forgetting anything?

His biggest gripe this morning was that the sofa was uncomfortable to sleep on and he seems far more bothered by not being around in the morning for the kids than he is with not being with me.

So thats it, no drama, no fighting, no compassion whatsoever for the end of our relationship.

Its my 30th birthday today, I received a just painted card from the children when I got back from work at 10.30 this morning and have received no other gifts or cards.

I really really would love some support right now, I am feeling incredibly numb and low, I can't believe that 'this' is it.

MozzchopsThirty Sat 15-Feb-14 11:04:53

Oh dear this is so raw for you.
Be prepared for a year of roller coaster emotions with tears and laughter in equal measure.

I would suggest seeing a solicitor, speaking with the child maintenance service, tax credits application too

At this early stage not much else to suggest other than use MN as a great source of support smile

17leftfeet Sat 15-Feb-14 11:06:51

Do you work or are you a SAHM?

Fifyfomum Sat 15-Feb-14 11:21:09

I work, 20-30 hours a week, plus 3 hours volunteering and study

Minime85 Sat 15-Feb-14 17:57:54

so sorry you are going through this. there will be tears and anger to come. laughing together to about times gone by as another poster said. still so very raw for u both.

on a positive at least he is bothered about the kids and they need to come first. both still little though, do they know?

council tax you can get 25% off living on your own. any joint accounts get transferred to just your name but he has to sign to agree or open a new account.

it does get better but as another poster also put it is like a rollercoaster. get some nice things, however big or small on calendar for you and dcs to enjoy.

Fifyfomum Sat 15-Feb-14 18:02:50

Hi thank you but after much begging on his part, we are going to try again.

I am certainly going to refer to this thread if things don't improve and quickly. Thank you all

WaitMonkey Sun 16-Feb-14 10:01:06

GOOD LUCK.thanks

Lilly82 Mon 17-Feb-14 12:24:46

Fiyfomum, just remember that things will get worse before they get better. I'm 31 and it has been almost a year since I broke up with my ex, he also literally gave up on me and the conversation about the separation took us less than 10 minutes. Since then our relationship went from hatred - he tried to make my life hell, literally leaving me with no help, taking the car off me and moving in with his friends; to threatening; begging, and now to amicable (fingers crossed!). At times it was so hard for me to cope, we separated few months after I went back to work from maternity leave so I was still getting used to new routine. I work full time. When he moved out my youngest son was 7 months and oldest almost 5y.o. But I was lucky to have good friends. I did came to a point when I had to take time off work with stress and it really helped to have a fortnight to put my head together and organise things. I also did a lot of research, read, watched videos, listened to talks on how to survive and do well as a single parent. At the moment things feel so much better, but I can tell you it wasn't easy at all. So hang in there, stay positive and happy birthday!!

Lilly82 Mon 17-Feb-14 12:26:04

Oh sorry, I just read that you decided to give it another go... good luck, hope it will work out for you. It is always better to take your time and try fixing things before trying to build a new one.

uc Mon 17-Feb-14 12:29:03

Fifyfomum - if you can, get some counselling for you both so that you can express how and why the marriage got to this point. Would you/he be prepared to do that?

Fifyfomum Mon 17-Feb-14 14:47:27

We can't afford it.

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