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I feel disappointed for DS - Christmas related.

(6 Posts)
welshnat Mon 25-Nov-13 13:44:36

This is my first Christmas as a LP, and decided I wanted to make it as easy as possible for DS to see both parents on Christmas Day. I offered for ex to stay over Christmas Eve (lives 2.5 hours away), and then take DS to his parents after Christmas dinner. He turned down this suggestion because he would feel awkward which is fair enough.

So I suggested him picking DS up either just before dinner or just after and keeping him until 27th. Again he turned this down because of the amount of driving he would have to do on Christmas day which I understand.

So I offered for him to come to mine after dinner and he can have DS in my house overnight and I would spend the night in my dad's. He would then take him home boxing day and have a second Christmas Day with his parents. This again has been turned down.

He has now decided that he will pick DS up early on boxing day. I understand all of the reasons he doesn't want to do any of my suggestions BUT I couldn't imagine not seeing DS on Christmas Day at all. Next year the arrangements will be reversed and DS will be up his dad's for Christmas Eve and I will have him in the afternoon. I don't drive so between now and then I am hoping to learn, but if not I will stay in a hotel Christmas Eve, spend the day with DS in his dad's and then back to the hotel Christmas night - leaving DS at his dad's. And head back to ours on Boxing Day by train.

I would never say anything to ex as I know he will feel guilty not seeing DS anyway, but am I wrong to feel sorry for DS that he won't get to see his dad on Christmas Day. At the moment he is only 1.10 so he won't notice, but in future, won't he be upset by this?

Sorry this ended up being an essay, so thank you if you've read it all. Does anybody else have experience of this? Or any advice?

TheRobberBride Mon 25-Nov-13 14:11:46

I don't think you need to feel sorry for him, no. He'll have a lovely day with you and then go to his Dad's and have a nice time there. He'll be fine. Your DS will take his cue from you on this so I would try to be positive about it.

This is my first Christmas as a LP too. DCs will spend Christmas Eve, Christmas Day and Boxing day with me before heading to Dad's for a week. We'll reverse next year. I will of course miss them terribly but since ex also lives 2.5 hours away, this way they get to relax and enjoy quality time with each parent.

Lonecatwithkitten Mon 25-Nov-13 15:23:19

This is my second Christmas as an LP, last year I went cold turkey DD didn't come back to me till the 28th. We then have out own Christmas on the 1st Jan. Actually is wasn't so bad working and with friends on Christmas Day, did my tax return on Boxing Day and then worked the rest of the time.

welshnat Mon 25-Nov-13 17:17:12

I think I'm just being over sensitive. I suppose DS will love having to Christmas Days growing up. I'm sure he wont' be the only one either.

Can I ask what you did/do for Christmas presents? Do you just buy the same as you always have or halve what you have in the past? I have only had one Christmas and didn't get too much last year I have tried to compete with my ex. I know he has a lot of disposable income and is capable of spending a lot more on DS than I can. Although we have bought one "main" present off the two of us, and will continue to do this.

Did you spoil your kids your first LP Christmas?

Monetbyhimself Mon 25-Nov-13 17:34:06

My Ex refuses to see the children on Christmas day in favour of OWs family. The first year I was so sad for them, now it's just 'normal' for them. Every year, I suggest he spends time with them in Xmas Day. If it's an issue for them when they get older, the issue will be with him. I can't force him to put them first unfortunately.

TheRobberBride Mon 25-Nov-13 21:30:39

Re: Christmas presents, kids will end up with about the same as last year. I am determined not to end up over compensating for the separation with loads of gifts.

Kids will be with me on Christmas Day so I'm arranging their stockings. They'll also get a gift from me, a gift from my parents and one from my brother. They won't get another stocking at their Dad's but they will get a separate gift from him and stuff from his side of the family. Since ex and I did joint presents when we were together, i guess they'll get one more than last year. But it's not going to make much difference really.

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