XH moved 200 miles away when he left so sees dd once a month. He is not very responsible and left to his own devices wouldn't see that much of her, but his DM is scared of losing contact with her only gc and bullies him into it. He has got into the habit of suggesting things and if I object either then asking dd if she wants to do it or attempting to pick a fight with me in front of her over it.
The last time he tried to encroach on my half of the holidays (we split them 50/50) I had said no and that I was not prepared to give up part of my holiday so that he could have extra time with her. He then asked dd if she'd like to go away and spend a night in a hotel (something I can't afford) and she got excited. I was then in the position of either saying no, upsetting dd and having him and the xILs going on to her about how nasty mummy is or agree to it and lose precious holiday time with her. (I work fulltime). I felt cornered into letting her go and even then when he returned her he tried to pick a fight in front of her about how dreadful it was not seeing her everyday and burst into tears which just upset her. She doesn't know that it's all an act
This weekend he was supposed to be seeing her where we live but then phoned en route to say that he wanted to take her back with him instead. That means two long drives for her (she is 5 and suffers from travel sickness) and he would be doing a four hundred mile journey with barely any break. He normally promises to come on a Friday night then cancels at the last minute because he is too tired to do the journey one way and he says he has difficulty driving in the dark. I said I wanted him to stick to the original plan and he rang off. When he arrived he immediately asked dd if she wanted to go to his house, see a movie and various other things. She said yes and I was left in the same boat again. She went to the loo and I reiterated why I thought it wasn't a good idea and he claimed that he was perfectly fine and that he didn't have a problem with driving at night.
I do think it's right that she maintains contact with that side of her family, but in trying to achieve that I just seem to be getting steamrollered into losing my quality time with dd or allowing her to do things I'm not entirely happy about.
Do I just have to suck it up and be the bigger person all the time for dd's sake or can I assert myself without dd being subjected to being told how awful I am - something they all have no hesitation in doing. I have heard him criticising me in dd's hearing and politely asked him not to do it but to no avail.
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WWYD? XH appealing to DD when he doesn't get what he wants
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yetanotherstatistic · 20/09/2013 20:53
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