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I hate waving goodbye to my kids

(8 Posts)
lizzie479 Mon 20-May-13 22:54:50

Its been six months since we split and I still can't get used to saying goodbye to our kids when my ex has them. There is something so sad about seeing their little faces through the car window and knowing that this is now the reality of their lives forever because we chose to split. They went away on hols with my ex today and our son was asking for his mummy to go with him and I had to say no. This is killing me. He does not understand why we can't all be together. Will things get easier for all of us? I either have them on my own or he has them with his family. I hate the way things have ended but we were arguing all the time. Has anyone come through this and found it easier? I know the kids will get used to it but in a way I wish they didn't have to x

Flojobunny Mon 20-May-13 22:57:16

Lots of people are in the same boat. My DC love it. Two holidays, two Xmas, two birthdays and two homes. It doesn't have to be all bad and viewed as something they shouldn't have to get used to.

SirBoobAlot Mon 20-May-13 23:30:10

The comments of ''I want to go to daddy's house'' are the ones that upset me the most. But generally, things have got easier as time has gone on. I'm lucky in that we have maintained an amicable relationship, so we often do hand over in a cafe, and have a coffee the three of us, before DS 'switches' parent.

I now quite look forward to the 'reboot' time alone, and seeing that DS enjoys himself is always nice.

It does get easier.

Concreteblonde Mon 20-May-13 23:42:51

It is very, very hard. I did not chose a life where I send my children off to spend time with some other woman who is desperate to play mummy to them.

It doesn't get easier to say goodbye to them but it does get easier to hide your pain when they get home and as long as they are happy and content then it's making the best of a shitty situation.

But yes. It hurts sad

keelyboo Tue 21-May-13 20:30:36

It is hard, been 2 years now and i still hate saying goodbye to them but it does get easier, they settle you settle and you just get used to it sad but true

purpleroses Tue 21-May-13 20:46:49

I have found it's got much easier. Partly time and getting used to things, partly just the kids getting older and more independent. We do most of the handovers via school now too so that kind of makes it easier (emotionally at least - harder in terms of practicalities).

My kids can hardly remember anything else - and really don't have any regrets about the life they live. It's just all completely normal to them. They have a good relationship with each of us, two homes and sets of local friends, and lots of other people in their lives too now (new DP of mine, step-siblings and new half brother via their dad). They're quite clear that they don't see it as a "second-best" life at all, so that helps me not to either.

Try to keep your life without them as busy as possible - see friends, take up new hobbies, earn money, study, whatever - but do the things you can't do when they're around and treat it as a break from the full-on parenting that single parenting is the rest of the time.

lizzie479 Tue 21-May-13 23:20:34

Thanks for all your responses. It helps to know that so many of us are in the same boat. I just miss them terribly, it feels so unnatural. Ended up spending way too much money today as seems to be my way of coping (retail therapy) but have to find a way to do cheaper things! x

SnoopyLovesYou Wed 22-May-13 00:50:52

Lizzie it is so sad. :-( And you're feeling this way because they're going away on holiday only 6 months after the split! That's a lot to get used to in a short space of time. Ring up all your friends (if youre like me youve probably been neglecting them all) and try and have a nice time. Treat yourself :-)

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