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When will I stop feeling like this? I can't take much more!

(7 Posts)
Raspberryyogurt Sun 20-Jan-13 21:00:45

ExFiancé left me 7 weeks ago just out of the blue walked out on us, We had recently planned to TTC. I had to move back in with my parents which hasn't been the best of times.

I have a 16 month old DS and 2 days after my ex left I found out that I am pregnant with DC2.

He refuses to pay anything towards DS and I have only just changed the details over for CB to be payed to me as he refused to hand the details over and has kept the money since the split for himself.

I had my first midwifery appointment last week to be told that I will be consultant led and have extra scans, tests and be closely monitored which has scared me a bit as I just want the baby to be healthy but I can't help but worry. I have my first scan next week so I just hope that everything is okay.

Ex sees DS once every week/two weeks by choice.

I can't help but still feel completely devastated, I can't sleep at night, I cry everyday because of it and I worry about what will happen in the future while ex goes out when he wants, wherever he wants with no emotional attachment to me or DS or our baby. He has a car and I have been left without one as I needed to sell it to pay for a move whilst we were together.

He told me that he isn't interested in knowing anything about the baby as he would 'Have to talk to me' to find out so he just wants to see him/her when they are born. This broke my heart.

I am still completely in love with him, Please tell me this will stop.

I don't know how much more I can take, I just want him back.

DoubleYew Sun 20-Jan-13 21:51:16

Ah it's so hard when you split up suddenly but you've got the pregnancy to deal with too.

Post over in Relationships as I'm sure you will get a lot of good advice, more traffic there. You have to separate the man you are in love with from who he actually is. He's being vile to you and doesn't seem bothered about ds. Would you really described that as attractive?

Contact CSA. Make a list of things to address - CSA, benefits, housing, antenatal stuff. Each day try to do a small thing towards dealing with everything. You will also need time to grieve for your relationship. Look after yourself, eat well, even if you don't feel like it, rest and do some exercise. Tell people and accept offers of help.

I'm not going to lie to you, yes in some ways he will have an easy life doing what he wants. But one day the dc will realise he couldn't give a stuff about them and how much you did to give them a happy life (which you will). You will be able to be proud of yourself for trying your best for them. What will he see when he looks in the mirror?

sarahseashell Sun 20-Jan-13 21:53:53

oh no you poor thing sad
you've come to the right place for support, but you might want to re-post this on the relationships board as there's more traffic?

that sounds incredibly hard, it's not surprising you feel like this. Wrt the practicalities have you contacted CSA, child tax credits and local authority (re housing?) Again relationships people will advise further I'm sure as plenty have experience.

Try not to worry wrt to the scan. Did the midwife say why it'd be consultant led? you'll be well taken care of there at least. Things will get easier but that takes time of course. Take care and post on relationships I'd say (lone parents people are lovely I should add smile) just cos of more support/traffic for you

sarahseashell Sun 20-Jan-13 21:54:53

x post!

Raspberryyogurt Mon 21-Jan-13 06:03:58

Thank you for the advice, I have reposted in relationships.

I can't help but love him sad I am completely heartbroken.

Raspberryyogurt Mon 21-Jan-13 06:06:25

I am consultant led due to BMI and my last birth.

I haven't contacted anyone other than CB because I didn't know if I would be entitled to housing etc as I am not working and there is room for me and DS at my parents, I would really love my own house so I need to read up on it a bit more.

PignutSalamander Mon 21-Jan-13 22:40:44

Oh honey, this is a hard time especially in early pregnancy.
this may come a cross a little harsh but please hear me out.

You do not love this man,

you love the person he pretended to be, the person you dreamed he would be.
The man he really is just walked out on your kid (s) and does not appear to give a flying fuck. That doesn't make your feelings less valid, I'm just trying to make you see that these feeling are not for him.

You need to go to citizens advice they will walk you through all the official rubbish. You will be able to get a house etc, cab will go through the whole process with you housing, benefits, counselling, single parent support everything available in your area.

You are going to be just fine. Try not to let this pregnancy scare you,you've done it before and it may be better or worse but stressing wont help. Hospitals sometimes have to keep a closer eye, that it there job.
Give yourself a break, treat yourself ( even if its just a bath) put a smile on yourself when dc is around, cry if you need to. Don't beat yourself up if you cry in front of child just reassure them that mummy is ok and loves you very much with lots of cuddles.
Being a single mum is great for me and you CAN make it great for you x

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