Hi all, and a Merry Christmas firstly.
Well im struggling to know which route to go down and really in need of advice please, its rather long/complicated.
I have a lovely 6 week old DS, partner left me when I was 33 weeks pregnant, was devastated at the time but now im out of the relationship am starting to see that even though it has been hard it was the best thing for me - and DS I believe as ex DP was and continues to be verbally abusive,controlling,lying and manipulative. I had an awful 3 years with him but as his behaviour was due to him having severe MH issues (he has BPD and is an alcoholic) I made excuses for him and thought that he would get better with the therapy and meds he was on. He did make progress but has quit all his "help" since we split, insisting there is nothing wrong with him and that the problem was ALL me and that everything was my fault - this was typical in our relationship, and led to me believing all the put downs and having very low self esteem. Our relationship is still very stormy now and I have been contacted by childrens services and the MHT team as hes seen as a possible risk, they have helped me see he was abusive and advised me to contact womens aid but thats another story (or anothr thread)
The social worker is telling me he (ex DP) should not be dropping round here unnanounced and that he should not be having unsupervised visits due to dropping out of all help from MHT so without an assesment she advises he sees DS in a contact center.
I have not followed this up so far as
- I want LO to have a Daddy and to try my hardest to let him make up his own mind about ex DP and not turn him against him, even though its going to be very hard as hes really nasty I read these threads often and see for the majority, Mums get advised to put their kids feelings first, bite their tongue and let them have a relationship with their Fathers. I agree but GOSH its hard!
- I havnt followed it up as I dont think ex DP will bother seeing DS if its under those circs. He is rather selfish and although he clearly loves DS and visits him most days thats because he can come when he pleases and bath/change/wind the baby then go when it suits him. He has 2 other DS's who were taken into care last year and when he was meant to see them weekly for visits in a contact center he didnt go after the initial couple of times a he hated the center and being watched/judged. So he did not see his poor DS's from June to December, 7 months just because HE didnt like it. What a selfish man, not able to put his childrens needs before his own
Part of me really wants to do anything so my lovely baby boy has a Daddy at all costs despite myself finding contact with him horrible as I feel intimidated and anxious at his visits, part of me thinks my DS would fare better with just 1 loving stable parent. Am confused, still recovering from my relationship with EX and struggling to make, and stick to, a rational, and fair descision on contact.
Could anyone advise or give opinions please?