At my wits end

[clairebzippy]

Is anyone awake?

I'm physically and emotionally exhausted with what seems to be a perpetually miserable baby.

He is 12 weeks old and has colic and reflux. He's just been screaming the house down since 4.30.

I'm at my wits end, really. I thought things were supposed to improve at 12 weeks? He's got worse!! He fights me over feeds, sleep, screams til he's picked up. I feel like in not coping. I want to run away.

[MissPricklePants]

I am awake. My dd was like this when she was younger, they do grow out of it. Any chance you can sleep when the baby sleeps?If you feel like you are not coping please speak to your HV or GP.

[Xalla]

My DS had bad reflux until he was walking. What is the doc giving you? Personally I found the baby Gaviscon next to useless and the reflux didn't improve until he was given stronger meds.

It's horrid when you're as tired as you are, you literally feel like you're going crazy. I remember it well. Big hugs.

Have you got anyone who can have your little one for you for a while so can get a few hours kip??

[clairebzippy]

Thanks for replying. It just feels so lonely at night and he screams so much. I wanted to enjoy my maternity leave but I hate it. I feel like I'm failing as a mum because he is always so unhappy.

[legalalien]

Hi Claire - spotted your post and just wanted to say hi after posting on your other thread! Nights are always the worst, I found it helpful to put a tv in the bedroom and watch random stuff in the middle of the night! I also ended up letting ds sleep on my chest (with me propped up with pillows so that he was semi upright) for long periods of time - not ideal in terms of my sleep but seemed to help a lot!

I'm not convinced that the idea of "supposed to" is helpful where babies are concerned. Obviously there are averages, but each one is so different!

Keep posting and don't be afraid to vent in real life and ask for help. Just as there are lots of people on here who have been through a similar experience, there are lots of people in real life who have - for some strange cultural reason no-one moans about how hard it is/was until someone else goes first!

[legalalien]

By the way, there's another thread over in behaviour and development with a first time mum and a non-sleeping 12 week old - maybe a good "pen friend" for the middle of the night :)

[clairebzippy]

Thankyou so much- you always have the best advice x

[DoubleYew]

You are not failing as a mum because your baby is miserable. Some of them are just miserable fuckers as babies. Ds is 2.5yr now and everyone comments what a happy guy he is, yeah now he is, first 5 months were hell!

You would be failing as a mum if he wasn't fed or changed or smiled at regularly or if you put him out with the recycling. If he has reflux you are doing a great job by living through this period, I presume on your own (as you are posting here).

[clairebzippy]

Ha, thankyou! I think I just always had it in my head that he'd get to 12 weeks and magically improve! Such a disappointment! Maybe I take it too personally, I just feel like I don't make him happy.

He's not quite out with the recycling just yet... ;)

[clairebzippy]

Well he's refusing to go to bed yet again!
I've had a migraine for 2 days and I'm starting to feel a bit mental!

[DoubleYew]

Do you have anyone who can take him for a bit. For a walk around the block a few times so you can have a lie down in a darkened room. Even a friend who you think is clueless about children, I never thought to offer before I had my own but if a friend had asked at the time I would have been glad (delighted in fact) to help out for half an hour.

I don't think you can make a tiny baby happy tbh, they just sort of are. Also got told it would get better at 3 months and it didn't but once he could sit up and play it got a bit better, ditto crawling, ditto walking, ditto talking.

Ear plugs / ipod if you are being driven mad by the noise. Try and think from his point of view, he can't talk, crying is the only communication he's got, so he may well just be saying "I don't feel well mum, I need you, please hold me." It will feel less suffocating if you can get away from being responsible for him even for a short time every so often - recharge your batteries.

And if you still feel you aren't coping go to the doctors about the reflux and your own mental health.

Good thing is when he is a toddler and being a nightmare, you will never wish he was a tiny little sweet baby again like plenty of parents do because NOTHING will be as bad as these early months!